Pole Journey

So Tuesday was my pole night again. They highlight of my week- I looked forward to it all week with anxious anticipation. I was again nervous being that we had a substitute...

I was not disappointed.

For the purpose of this post I am going to focus on something that happened to me or in me during the meditations/stretching portion.

I was laying on the mat, looking at the lights on the ceiling, the flickering light of the candles. The instructor told us to breath deeply, to recall a time when we felt, feminine, sexy, powerful, brilliant, strong, and beautiful- like we could do anything. I searched my memory and could think of nothing that fit all of the requirements- that made me sad. It began to sink in that this class would be FAR more than an exercise class- a fitness class- that this class would be much more of a fitness class for my spirit. That emotional self is in more need of fitness class than my physical self.

We began to move- I was awkward, jerky, unsettled- my heart was empty my spirit was tired.

All of this I preceded my melt down. I think the two are inexorably linked. So true to form things are darkest before the dawn.