The Green Monster

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Not the one at Fenway..this one is a lot less cool.


I am struggling with it. A family member recently announced that she and her husband are expecting. I should be happy for them. I should be thrilled. (I am happy that they are having children I am sure that they will be fantastic parents) but I am jealous. Logically I should not be. Could I deal with a 4th child? Will I even get pregnant again? (an additional to that is the will I ever have sex again but that is neither here nor there).

I have had so many losses I do not know if could stomach getting pregnant again and losing the baby.

Isn't this a change from my younger self?? I did not want to get married. I did not want to have kids. I wanted none of that and now here I am mourning the potential end of my baby making days.

So how do I handle my jealousy of their blessing while respecting my feelings?


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