making it fun

I do not know what I am hoping to get out of writing this but something I read today got me thinking and that can be a very dangerous thing.

A friend of an acquaintance lost their baby-- tragically... unexpectedly. And they were planning on walking in the March for Babies with her.

I feel like I have too many friends who have had losses...babies, spouses, parents. too much death too much sadness to much loss.

There are people among them who have emerged stronger than they started from their struggles. With my own losses and struggles I am left not feeling stronger..but feeling beaten feeling.

This loss made me look at my children again and was think how thankful I am for them. Thankful for their health. Thankful for the people who are so dedicated to giving all babies a healthy start. Without the research of the March of Dimes I very ell may not have three healthy children.

My friends who have lost their children are stronger than I ever think I could be..they have so much courage and so much faith... and they are so generous. So giving of their spirit and so determined to help prevent another family from having to suffer through the loss that they have experienced. Judging by the feelings I experienced when Peas and Princess were in the NICU,..and when Stinky was in the PICU... I can only imagine that without them I would not know how to continue.

However- it is one thing to say it and quite another to live and breathe it. After B's injury that set off a cascade of events that changed so radically so many things about my life and my perception. After miscarrying again and again....that brought up so many things that i would preferred to keep buried. again i am stuck by the courage of my friends who have lost such a precious miracle to share their feelings and experiences with others so that maybe just maybe all babies can be given a healthy start. all of that again drives home my selfishness...keeping my crap close...unwilling to share. But thankful for those who do.