I keep forgetting this....

I used to be good at updating when anything happened... maybe not everyday but weekly.... and well- I forgot.

The kids are great. They are always great. Well-- ok not always, but a lot of the time they are great.

Princess is growing up--- and this is not ok. She was my baby- the little preemie who brought me back down.

Stinky is actually starting to smell now that he is 10.

Peas? is Peas. Enough said.  Seriously though- I worry about her. A lot. I see so much of me in her- that I want to grab her and say "its alright.  Even if things don't go the way you want--- it is alright they'll turn out in the end.

Pixie is in school full time and she is smarter than I care to admit. She figures things out so quickly watching her brain work is amazing.

LittleDude is not so little anymore.  Totally potty trained-- day and night *I swear he has only had 2 overnight accidents- no, don't know how that happened either...it just did.

I'm here. Learning. Trying.. and not always succeeding.

Feelings are hard for me, I feel so disconnected from them- at least my feelings--- other people? I feel their feelings deeply.

Mom Superpowers

Growing a person is a miracle and superpower in an of itself.   Delivering that person (or persons) is also HUGE (I mean really- have you ever been through it? Or have you watched it? Its amazing)

Moms also make milk that is the perfect food.  It is specially formulated for the age the baby (or toddler) is.  It changes according to the time of day, what illnesses you (and child) have been exposed to, it takes on the flavors of the food mama ate so baby can be exposed to different flavors. 

The whole lactation thing is amazing. 

Moms often have a "mama gut" I can tell when my kids are sick and when it is more than just a cold.  Something just seems off.  My kids get a 'sick smell' I swear, there is a definite smell when my kids are sick.  I can also tell if my kids are really injured or if everything will be fine.

I do lack x-ray vision.  The other day, Pixie was feeding the horses apples.  One of the horses accidentally bit her. She screamed and cried so much! The poor horse felt so sorry! He was really upset. 

After cleaning out the owie out- she still wasn't calming down the way I would normally expect her too.  This is the child who didn't cry when she got stitches in her head after running into the table.  I tried to convince myself it was just the first time she had ever been hurt by an animal and she was really upset. A little voice in my head was needling me that something was just off. We went to the ER to be safe.  I called B and told him what was happening.  He asked "Is it broken?".  WHY WOULD HE ASK THAT? I mean really.  Her bone was still inside her skin... there was no obvious deformity--- it just was not quite right.

I took 5 kids to the ER alone and after an incredibly brief visit-  we were on the way home.  Pixie had a small chip in her bone. 

Another super power I have is knowing the location of almost everything.  No one looks for things- they just ask me... "Mama have you seen xyz?" most of the time I can give a very detailed description of its location.  Sometimes I can't there are 5 kids and one of me.  The odds are never in my favor.


What super powers does the mama have in your house?

Feed the birds (ducks- in this case)

Today we had a lot of fun-- and spent a whole $1.31.

We fed the ducks.

It was awesome. Every once in a while I bring the kids to a local park to feed the birds and ducks.  Last time we did it,  LittleDude was terrified of the geese and ducks- they were giants to him.

This time he loved it he laughed and squealed- and he wasn't the only one! We all did! Even a woman walking in the park stopped to video tape the fun.

We got out of the car waled towards the pond as we did, the ducks figured out what was happened and came over.  Even a mama duck brought her babies to see us.  The kids gleefully threw food to them and laughed and giggled at their antics. 

Soon the geese figured out what was happening- and came over to have a snack.  The geese were not nice to the ducks and the kids defended the ducks!

Here are Pixie, Peas, and LittleDude feeding the ducks- the mama duck was right there with her babies. 

Now LittleDude quacks like a duck in addition to his other animal sounds. 

So much fun! I am so thankful to spend this time with them.

Don't tell me to calm down

I have anxiety.  At times it can feel crippling.  Having someone tell me to calm down is like pouring gasoline on a fire: it does no good- and actually makes it worse. If  'calming down' was that easy don't you think I'd do it?? Would you tell someone having a heart attack to just stop? No?  (I certainly hope not, at least.) Then don't tell me to calm down.

Its insulting to be told that- as if I had some choice in the matter.  Anxiety is not something that I can schedule.  It just is.

Another thing not to do-- for the love of all that is holy- do not try and surprise or scar me.  I may surprise you by hitting you.

DIY haircuts

This is the difference between the first child and the second child.  With 5 its a miracle that I have kept them all alive.

When Princess cut her hair I cried. Called Brian and begged him to come home because I could not possible cope with her cutting her hair.

Now Pixie cuts her hair (again) I sigh and debate between wine and a margarita and consider evening it out. No tears. Just deep breaths.