Trend setting parenting

A few years ago I was out rightly laughed at by the popular/in crowd moms for babywearing with ring slings, mei tais, wraps, and other carriers that are designed with the baby's comfort in mind. I was told that my babies would be bored, that I was crazy for suggesting that these popular carriers could be bad for little one's hips and spines.

Fast-forward a few years and here we are-- now the in crowd moms are touting the benefits of these baby carriers and decrying other carriers as poor choices for babies... and I am over here saying "duh'"!


Same goes for breastfeeding.  I was the weird one breastfeeding longer than a year, donating milk, cross nursing etc.  Now its an in thing... and again I am over here saying "I told you so".

Gentle parenting is another example.  When time outs were in- we used "time-ins".  I have not sleep trained my kids.. or really any trained--- just let them be the guide.  And now opposition to "cry it out" is mounting. Even Dr. Ferber -- the developer of the Ferber method says how he would not do that again.  Yet again-- I am over here snuggling my babies and loving on them.

Cloth diapers are another thing... so many people said they were too much work and disgusting and now many of the same people are cloth diaper devotees.

I should be thankful that kids and babies are getting care that is more in line with their needs rather than following what has been done... but to be honest, I am annoyed.  This is stuff I have been saying for YEARS and when a popular mom goes and says "I babywear with a ring sling because it is better for their hips" and then all of a sudden other moms are dedicated ring slingers.... and taking popular moms words as gospel.  Why are we as women still following the popular moms? What makes a mom part of the in mom group?

It also worries me because what is the next 'in' thing going to be? Tiger Mom stuff? Will everyone abandon this kind of parenting stuff just as quickly? Won't their kids be confused with the back and forth parenting crap?

But I am happy that I have learned not to follow the cool moms and instead do what is best for my children.

This is awkward..

Ever since the DCFS kerfuffle this summer, its been really weird in our neighborhood.

Our neighbors who we used to be friends with have not spoken to us since the drama- well the woman at least.  The man and I have spoken cordially a few times but nothing more.  I have tried to speak to the woman and be nice to her but she brushes me off- politely.

Here's the problem.  The other day- my kids were out in the snow playing and we had a gaggle of kids over playing with my kids.  Neighbor kid came out and my kids started to play with her.  My husband- still salty over the incident told our kids that they could not go in neighbor kids yard-- but she was welcome to come over to our yard. The kid just sat in her yard and played alone. It was beyond awkward.

I am dreading summer.  We used to play outside and there was no weirdness- now I am really concerned about the potential weirdness.

Klutz

Of all of the things my kids could have inherited from me they had to inherit the klutz. 

My dear children- I am so sorry for passing this unfortunate characteristic on to you. 

A few pointers:

Look where you are going. It is much easier to navigate if you are looking where you are going. This does mean looking ahead of you and even down once and a while to make sure you are not going to slip on something or step into a giant hole.

Hold on to railings. They are there for a reason.

It is okay to make more than one trip. There is nothing wrong with making two trips.  If you carry a huge amount it is an accident waiting to happen.

Wear closed toe shoes. Otherwise you are just asking for it.

If you break a toe, don't wiggle it to see if it still hurts.  It does still hurt it will for a while. 

Carry band-aids.

 My dear children, I love you all.  Please take my advice-- coming from someone who managed to fracture a tailbone falling out of a chair... take my advice.

I think I figured it out....

The entire DCFS thing really has thrown me off balance as a mom and person.  I am angry.  Betrayed. Sad.

My sister and my friends were offended and offended for me. I found this comforting.  Like I wasn't nuts for feeling so upset. It was validating.  Typically, I have a really hard time judging my reactions to make sure they are appropriate, if I am more hurt than is reasonable etc.  This validation was very useful to me.

I had to figure out why I am still upset over this- why I still have to resist the urge to yell at my neighbor and question what on earth she was thinking, how could she even think that of me and my family.  I am not perfect. I am a flawed person and flawed mother.  I am human.  But, I think I am a good mother.  I love my children more than I can explain.  I am proud of the way I have chosen to parent them.  I am proud of the way they are growing. I am proud of us. The DCFS thing was cutting because it was essentially saying I am not a good parent.  It has not been easy for us for the past few years.  I have had health struggles, we have a lot of kids.  But I'll be damned if my children are not at the forefront of my mind with every choice I make. 

DCFS: Unfounded

We received our letter today from DCFS. It states that the allegation of child neglect is unfounded.

I have been vocal about this on Facebook because of the absurdity of it all.  The individual who called it in admitted it-- we knew who it was, it was just the admission that was like an extra sucker punch.

What she said to me via text was such remarkable crap that I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry or scream.

Apparently, earlier in the year, when she called 911 when I got sick- my house was a mess.  I'll admit it.  Have you ever tried recovering from surgery and complications and 5 kids- add on 2 dogs and keeping the house? Yes my house was a mess. It was not dangerous though. There were no (and are no bugs) there were no rodents (and are no rodents). There is clutter.

She said that another neighbor was concerned over the care our kids had been receiving.  There was an instance 2 years ago when Pixie got out of the house when I was going to the bathroom- we changed the door latch so she couldn't open it- that same summer 2 years ago husband was in the garage getting something and Pixie toddled off into the road, he caught hell for it and felt awful.

Ok. Fine. So then talk to us. Offer to help. Express concern. If I know a friend or a neighbor is having a hard time I offer to help.  Not judge not gossip. Bad things come of that.  If all of this gossip is happening discuss it with the people being gossiped about- really assuming makes an ass out of everyone.  In fact she had done just the opposite.  She was very stern with my husband about not wanting to help us with childcare anymore- how does that express concern for the children's welfare?

She said it was a shame that I was angry and not willing to talk with her about this- a shame for the kids. Yep. It is a shame. A real shame that she, and adult, would take the words of a 5 year old with apraxia of speech, interpreted to her via a 6 year old child, spoken through a window with out double checking the facts. She showed incredibly poor judgement.

No, I will not forgive her yet. Someday but right now? I am not ready to.  What she did to my children, what she put them through, what she put me through- at the moment makes me so angry I want to scream. My oldest, Princess, was up most of the night worrying over this and is finally now able to sleep again.