Horrible Nightmare

Last week I had to go to the doctor for my hip.  While I was there, something horrific happened.

B was badly injured training at a live fire drill.

One minute we were texting each other about my hip, he said that he had to go drill, next thing I know my phone was going crazy as he had fallen trying to force open door as part of their training. When he fell he broke his leg.

Seeing the text that he was hurt but not knowing what was happening was terrifying. Not being able to help was frustrating.

As a mother, my job is to fix things. Make things better.  There is nothing that I can do to help him. Nothing I can do to make it better.  All I could do was go there and be there.

The break was bad enough and in a place that required surgery, I have had a lot of surgery, but waiting for someone to have surgery is something I have less experience with.  Sitting there, watching the screen with his case--- waiting for screen to advance to "surgery complete".

B's job has always scared me- I love and respect what he does, but it scares me.  Because he could so quickly be injured. Nothing is a guarantee.  Every time we talk we end it with "I love you, be safe".  I will not let him off the phone until he replies "I always am".

It has been hard for the kids- he is like superman.  He comes and fixes things and saves the day. His job is actually to save people.  He is not here a lot but when he is he is fantastic with them.  No one gets a better welcome than when daddy gets here.

Truth be told, I am a little jealous about how the kids are so interested in helping him. When I get hurt or have surgery nothing changes, the requests keep coming: "mama what's for dinner??" "where is my shirt?" B gets hurt--- totally different story- they are all over him helping.  Which, honestly is good.  He is dad- and a pretty darn awesome one.

Seeing the message that B was hurt was the most horrifying thing. My stomach dropped a million miles, I started sweating, I was sick to my stomach.  He annoys the crap out of me and irritates me beyond belief, but I love him.

When the doctor told me that he did need surgery, I got light headed--- and its not my leg! A doctor can tell me I need surgery and that is fine, I can deal, but not someone I care about, that makes it scary!

I do have new respect for what B had to endure in the waiting room for me- my surgeries were much longer and I have no idea how he managed.  Being the one unconscious is much much easier.

When he is better, I will have to find something new to say other than "I love you, be safe" because much like the kids-- he clearly doesn't listen.

I am thankful that he will heal.  I am thankful for my sister who saved the day. I am thankful.

Sepember 11, again

This day always kind of sneaks up on me- then all of a sudden that day stares back at me from the calender. My breath always catches in my throat. That day. That day changed so much. So very very much.

It was such a beautiful day. It was a gorgeous day in New York and in Chicago.  It was so amazing clear.

As the wife of a firefighter, and the mother of 5 kids, it is closer to home- even though I was not directly impacted.

It was such a beautiful day and it was such a sad tragic day.

Mama got very sick

You see last weekend, I had a blood clot in my brain.

I don't really remember what happened.  It is all kind of fuzzy.  I remember not knowing where my two middle girls were (at my in laws).  I couldn't figure out things basic things.  Nothing made sense.   There was a tub of flour on the table and I couldn't figure out why and it was very upsetting.

Somehow I called my husband.  He realized there was an issue based on my slurring my speech and talking about things that made no sense what so ever. He wanted to me to give the phone to Princess so she could help.  I- being stupid and not with it- refused. Arguing with me when like that was like arguing with 4 year old over ice cream.  There was no reason.

At some point I had a glimpse of reason and decided to call 911.

My husband called my in laws to help, they arrived around the same time as the ambulance.

Everyone realized there was something seriously wrong.

I could not communicate with anyone.  (thought I remember telling people things)
Apparently I had a facial droop, difference in strength and other signs of a brain issue.

At the hospital I  had a a bunch of tests that I don't remember.  I stayed overnight.

********************************************************************************

that being the story I wanted to have my kids tell about how they felt so other kids who have a family member experience a medical emergency can know they are not alone.

Princess -age 9-

I didn't know what was happening, I thought my mom might die.  I tried to remember what to do.  I was scared.  When the police and the fire department came it was confusing there were too many people. 

Stinky -age 6-

I was confused.  I wished she would get all better.  There were a lot of people here to help.

New mom tattoo

New moms are likely to get their baby's name or foot print tattooed on them. I think though that they should get the poison control number tattooed on them instead.

I had to call poison control today for only the second time in 7.5 years, which is not that bad of an average, in my opinion.

As the poison control number is not a simple three digit ditty like 911, it should be tattooed on every parent, or have the walls wall-papered with it. Something noticeable.

Because someone took my magnet off the fridge with the number on it, I was momentarily frozen. This is where my memory for numbers came in handy. I remembered it. (The number in case you should need it is 800-222-1222)

Thankfully, the incident was minor. Everyone will be fine. But I am writing the number all over my darn house.