Religious Education and tears

I am not really a crier.  I, today, had to hold back tears and fight to keep from crying in front of a room full of 10 year old kids.

We were discussing hunger as a world issue and what the truly, desperately, hungry people of the world go through- and it made my stomach hurt, my chest hurt.  I cannot fathom being a mother of kids and hearing my children cry and not be able to feed them.

Feeding my children is something I, as a mother, am biologically, drawn to.  I make milk for my babies and feed them from my body, the same way I grew them in my body.  Not being able to feed one's children and watching them suffer must be absolute agony for a mother.

On a humorous note, while we were watching a video on the hungry babies and children, I let down milk.  Lots of milk, and leaked.  It is as if my body's instinctual response to hungry babies and children is to produce milk-- milk makes everything better.

We are extremely blessed.  The times my kids are hungry is when my kids have decided they did not want to eat what I had.  It is not from a lack of food.  It is not from a lack of shelter, heat, and sanitary conditions.  Its because my children have never truly known hunger.  To be honest, neither have I.  I have starved myself as a function of an eating disorder- never from lack of actual food.

So what can we do as a group or as individuals?  We can't realistically ship boxes of candy overseas to impoverished people.  There are a few reasons for this one being that when a body is starving- reintroducing complex foods and fat to a person is not a good idea- their bodies cannot process it.  As a body starves it starts consuming itself for survival.  In critically malnourished people- careful nutrition in easy to digest forms is critical.  Additionally, how many people who live in abject poverty have a refrigerator, pans, cutlery, a can opener, a stove? Food needs to be easy to prepare and store.
Also, throughout the world there are people who do not eat certain foods for religious reasons.

One organization that I have been impressed with is Feed My Starving Children, they pack nutritionally dense, easy to prepare, ship, and store food worldwide.  One thing I am not clear on is that, as a Christian organization, does it serve people who are not Christian? Do they require bible study or anything as a condition for receiving food or service?  I have asked this question of them and am awaiting a response.  My personal belief is that the food should be available for everyone, no questions no demands- everyone is deserving of food- not just Christians. So before I commit to supporting this organization, I need to figure that out.

Do you know of any other organizations that are helpful and are open to supporting ALL people?

I must just have "Sympathy" written on my head

It is cold here.  Its been colder- of course- this is the Chicago area after all.  Winters are part of what we are know for.

It was night.  I was loading the groceries into the back of my minivan (if that doesn't scream mom with kids-- nothing does) and a gentleman and a boy (maybe 3 years old) came up to me.  They said they missed their bus and did not have enough money to get something to eat (it was dinner time) and pay for the bus on the way home.

I never have cash.  Like never.  So I felt so bad.  Even worse that it was frigid, dark, and this poor kid was out in it.  I know what it is like to have a kid to entertain for a while-  it would suck to have to swallow your pride and ask for help.

The little boy was eying some of the treats I just put in my trunk.  So I did what any mama would do- and gave them to him.  Picture this-- it was 3 degrees outside- we were standing in the parking lot of a grocery store freezing.  The little boy was eying some cookies.  I take them out and ask if he is allergic to gluten, peanuts, or dairy the dad said he was not allergic so I gave him the cookies--

In this exchange I noticed that the child had no hat- so I did what any mama would do- gave him one of my kids hats left in the car and gloves.

I wish I had carried some money or something.  I had to stop myself from inviting them back to our home for pizza.

On the way home- I let down more milk than I previously knew I could.  That is apparently my boob's solution to the problem: cold? hungry? tired? want some milk?!!? Boobs make everything better.

Its the 2 step!

One forward, backwards. sideways, throw in a few front-rolls, maybe some back-rolls for fun....

It is the Eating Disorder Dance. Some days are better than others, some days I feel trapped in my mirror looking at things that are growing in ways I do not want them to grow.

Then I forget to eat. Not hungry. What? Food? Who needs it--- why am I shaking?
Eat. Panic. Sweat. Real anxiety over eating.

Then the culmination. I weigh myself. I never weigh myself. Ever. I consciously avoid knowing my weight. It becomes and obsession. When I obsess over that number I become a mathematician of caloric content.

After a few weeks of backstepping, I am coming out of it again. Remembering. It really is a coping mechanism. Get overwhelmed? Compensate with food.