Pole-fection

Teaching pole is an honor and a privilege.  Watching women connect with a spiritual, sensual, or athletic side of themselves is deeply moving.  Which part of themselves they need to connect with can change-- from day to day-- or from trick to trick.

Part of the pleasure of guiding women on this journey is being dynamic and able to change the focus of what is happening....

One of the other amazing things about pole is I am an instructor and a student-- and I learn something from every single person I dance with- a student, an instructor, a classmate. Each woman touches me- and I am thankful for each time I can dance.

In a week I have the extreme privilege of performing in front of a live band sharing my passion with a crowd.  Part of me is thrilled and part of me wants to hide.  I am scared that I'll fuck up or no one will like what I do.  But I am more scared that I will like it too much!

I keep meaning to get caught up

Why do things keep happening? It is the nature of life I suppose but it needs to slow down for a moment so I can take a breath!

Princess is now playing violin.  This was a huge debate- which instrument she would choose.  I banned a few of them because I know how awful they sound when they are being learned (a certain amount of awful is to be expected though).  In the end she played violin.  I played violin for years. My sister played violin as well- which is why I wanted to play violin- I thought my sister was perfect.  I slept with a photo of her playing her violin under my pillow for years.

So now she practices daily (or almost daily) we are coming up on her first recital and it should be super fun to take the 5 of them to a violin recital.

A time to be sad--- and happy.

It was the end of year picnic for Pixie's preschool. It is also the last year this particular preschool will be open.

This preschool is heavenly.  It is a caring environment, the children were the focus, their blossoming into caring compassionate people with a love of investigation and learning.  The children were not forced or coerced into learning they were inspired to- by exploring.  Their hearts and souls were treasured.

This is the place were I met treasured friends who got me through some truly amazing people who I am honored to call my friends.  They have prayed for me, cared for me, and just been amazing.

The school had been open for more than 40 years serving many generations of children in the area with the same child centered loving environment- and this year they closed their doors.

At the end of year the picnic is a great time to say goodbye to friends and look forward to the next year.  There is no next year.  This is the last time my kids will run in the field.  Play on the climber. Go into the school.  Hug their teacher.

There will be no more children nurtured by the loving teachers. For a while it was just as fun as any end of year picnic, until it dawned on me.... this is it.  Its over.

I cried- took lots of photos. I will miss this place so very much.  It is irreplaceable.

Colored rice art

Last week the little kids and I made colored rice. We watched it drying for days. Being reminded daily that we have rice to use. 

After several days of drying out the rice was ready to use. 

So today we used it.  It started out well enough but escalated quickly to glue hand- prints.  It was fun while it lasted.

Regardless, it was worth it- and we'll do it agin

Why saying you don't see color is BS.

Unless you are a dog or color blind... in which case- you're excused.

I have a lot of friends who are legitimately socially liberal people.  Good on them right?


One thing that they say with relative frequency is, "I don't see color-- I see the person."  I call bull crap.

It is insulting to everyone involved.  First- I felt guilty because- I'll admit- I do see color- and I don't judge them for it (duh) but I have to acknowledge that a person of color is going to have different day to day experiences than I do. To insinuate otherwise is insulting.

A person of color should be proud of their melanin. It does not define them, nor make them who they are-- but it is a part of their lives and influences them. It connects them to a deep rich history.

By saying "I don't see color" a person is insinuating that  they do not see the differences in life experiences that white people don't deal with- a friend of mine recently related a story of a traffic stop that was so insulting and so unbelievable (yet clearly true) I have no idea what to say!

To point.  I was pulled over recently.  I did not have a non expired insurance card on me- we have insurance, but the card was missing  The police office said not to worry about it- that he was sure I had insurance and let me know kindly my tail light was out. I bet this would not have happened this way for my friend.

So say that 'I don't see color' is saying that I don't see something that impacts so many aspects of a persons life, and that is insulting.

Learn from your mistakes.

When I was a kid and I would mess up I would get yelled at for it, and feel so awful.  I was ashamed, embarrassed, sad--- all sorts of things.  To the point that when I made a mistake I would hide it so no one would be mad at me. 

I was responsible for something, and while it was my responsibility, I lost it. I was terrified of 'fessing up to what I did.  What if the other person was livid? What do I do?

After texting a friend and losing my shit, I called and explained what happened.  The individual- was kind and understanding. I was shocked. I was so used to the blow up, shame, begging for forgiveness.

I would rather have my kids learn this way than feeling afraid to tell me something.  If I was not afraid to tell people things, I could save myself a lot of trouble. 

Feminism or a hate group

Full disclosure I am edit and revise this post as my thoughts evolve.

I have been a self proclaimed feminist and always kind of wondered why there were 'man hating' segments of that group.

Laurie A Couture pointed out that feminism has a propensity to disregard, intentionally the needs of other groups. And after many hours thinking about it- I came to the conclusion that that is true.  This is by no means to say that I think that all is hunky dory and whatever, just that by forwarding the agenda of one social group we are by default neglecting and in a way subjecting them to violence-- not always physical violence but mental and emotional- which can be just as damaging.

Here is were I am struggling: women, African Americans, Jews, Native Americans etc have all been oppressed as individual groups throughout history.  Each of these groups have amazing and powerful histories to tell and have amazing cultures to share- I am eager to learn as much about every culture I can get myself and my children exposed to.

But as long as we as a society define success as doing well in school, business, having the best house etc how can we expect those groups that have been started so far behind the starting line of white privilege? Change the definition of success?  I am all for that.

But what about the drug and gang culture?  How can we end that?  I firmly feel that secure- trusted attachment and engaging unschooling is the best deterrent to that- rather than great schools.

Back to my point.  Feminism can be considered a hate group when taken at is source.  When feminism neglects that ALL people are worthy that ALL people are deserving then it becomes a hate group.  When we realize that be being people. By being human makes us equal.  I am not equal to a man because I am a woman-  I am equal to another human because I am human.

We teach our daughters to be modest and not get raped we teach our sons to be gentlemen.  But we neglect to teach our daughters to not rape.  Girls can be sexually aggressive too. But boys often feel like they can't report it- it wouldn't be manly.  What a tragedy for their sensitive souls and hearts. Boys in fact are probably the recipients of most sexual violence and domestic violence- and then they are punished for it.  It makes no sense.

Laurie Couture, one of my parenting mentors and smartest women I know is a wonderful advocate for young boys,  I can only hope to follow in her footsteps to help save and protect young boys and men.  Her son is a shining example of a compassionate, smart, empathic young man. 

Dayna Martin, another mentor and amazing woman is a mother to an amazing unschooled family and she is a daily inspiration of compassion, advocacy, and light.

There is a lot more to say on this but my pain meds are kicking in so I will be done now.

The cost of art

Art is expensive.  Paintings can go for millions upon millions of dollars.  Art museums charge high fees to view their galleries.

But that is not what I am talking about.

I am talking (or writing) about the cost of art at home.

My kids love making art projects. I have learned that nearly everything can be re-used in a kid's art project an experiment- side note- save toilet paper rolls, paper towel rolls, and egg cartons--- add a little paint and you have hours of fun.

Its great to see them being creative and learning what happens when all of the colors are mashed together-- but it can get expensive!

Construction paper, butcher's paper, paints (several kinds), pastels, glue, glitter, sequins, yarn, clay, etc all add up. fast. 

I guess I have decided it is worth it.  Realistically, spending $4.99 on yet another stack of construction paper is a better use of that money than a lot of things, and hopefully some great memories will be made.  And that is priceless.