Trend setting parenting

A few years ago I was out rightly laughed at by the popular/in crowd moms for babywearing with ring slings, mei tais, wraps, and other carriers that are designed with the baby's comfort in mind. I was told that my babies would be bored, that I was crazy for suggesting that these popular carriers could be bad for little one's hips and spines.

Fast-forward a few years and here we are-- now the in crowd moms are touting the benefits of these baby carriers and decrying other carriers as poor choices for babies... and I am over here saying "duh'"!


Same goes for breastfeeding.  I was the weird one breastfeeding longer than a year, donating milk, cross nursing etc.  Now its an in thing... and again I am over here saying "I told you so".

Gentle parenting is another example.  When time outs were in- we used "time-ins".  I have not sleep trained my kids.. or really any trained--- just let them be the guide.  And now opposition to "cry it out" is mounting. Even Dr. Ferber -- the developer of the Ferber method says how he would not do that again.  Yet again-- I am over here snuggling my babies and loving on them.

Cloth diapers are another thing... so many people said they were too much work and disgusting and now many of the same people are cloth diaper devotees.

I should be thankful that kids and babies are getting care that is more in line with their needs rather than following what has been done... but to be honest, I am annoyed.  This is stuff I have been saying for YEARS and when a popular mom goes and says "I babywear with a ring sling because it is better for their hips" and then all of a sudden other moms are dedicated ring slingers.... and taking popular moms words as gospel.  Why are we as women still following the popular moms? What makes a mom part of the in mom group?

It also worries me because what is the next 'in' thing going to be? Tiger Mom stuff? Will everyone abandon this kind of parenting stuff just as quickly? Won't their kids be confused with the back and forth parenting crap?

But I am happy that I have learned not to follow the cool moms and instead do what is best for my children.

Little boy/big boy

Now I take pictures of LittleDude almost every night when he nurses to sleep.  One of these times it will be the last time that he snuggles to sleep and looks for my cuddles overnight. Soon one day, my milk will not be the thing that he needs to soothe his owies or mend his broken heart.

There of course are frustrations, when I want him to just go to bed.... to stop following me around, but he is my last little baby, so I am really trying to to focus on snuggling and enjoying every moment I can, because one time- it will be memories.

I love my little ones, and this is different, because I usually had delivered another baby by this time and had my time divided between a new baby and a three year old toddler.

Its hard not to have another baby, it is hard to know that this is my last snuggle bug, and I don't like it.  Being a mother has been such a huge part of my life- leaving this stage is a struggle for me.  What will it look like?  Will I still be needed? Loved? How will we navigate this?

A huge part of me hopes that this is not my last baby, I don't feel done. My heart aches for more nursing time, for more baby-wearing time, for more singing, and feeling a baby move in my womb

Just Joy

Little Dude is an extremely happy boy (except of course when he is unhappy, the look out world).

Today I was just thinking about how genuinely joyful he is and how much I have learned from his contagious joy.

A few weeks ago we went to an indoor water park and I have never seen anyone so excited.  His whole body literally trembled with glee.  When I would get ready to put him down his little legs were already running.  When he smiles his whole body smiles.  Like pure happiness just exudes from him.  He claps, jumps, and squeals as happiness just cannot be contained in his body anymore.

Even everyday things he finds so much to be happy about, playing with his cars, building a tower and knocking it over.. nothing is to mundane.  Whenever music is on he is dancing.  He has quite a set of moves!  His imagination is limitless he puts on capes and flies around the house with lightening speed.  LittleDude does not really walk places.  He runs. And jumps.  If there is a puddle he must jump in it.  If there is a something that looks intriguing it must be explored. Balls are thrown, furniture (and everything climbed) the world is an adventure.  I wonder what goes through his head. 

LittleDude will grab my hand and pull me to something he wants to show me.  He will run and jump into my arms with total faith that I will catch him.  Then throw his body onto me in a hug that can melt anyone, squeezing with his arms around me.  These greetings do not happen after I have been away for days, hours, or even minutes.  It could be he was just happy to see me in the living room.
When I sit down on the floor he often runs and grabs a story and then backs into my lap (really the backing into my lap to sit is the most adorable thing ever) and we read. 

When he wants to breastfeed (yes, at nearly 2 years old he nurses), he'll grab my hand and lead me to our spot for some cuddles and milk.  He'll hug me and play with my hair, gazing into my eyes while we just can soak up the moment. Until he decides to be silly and playfully bite or pull my hair (all in good fun).

Outside is always fun.  When the big kids start suiting up to go play in the snow he follows suit.  He knows his snow pants and how to put them on, he waits patiently for his boots (which he finds and brings over), coat, and mittens.  But he puts his hat on himself.  That is one way he tells you he is ready to go outside: he goes to the door and puts on his hat.

LittleDude loves animals.  You may think with so many of them being so much larger than he is he may be scared, but he isn't he loves the dogs and gives them treats and pets.  They return his adoration.  The cats tolerate him. Going to see the horses is super fun.  He loves to brush them, give them treats, and ride.  The horses also are so gentle with  him  it is shocking. When they gently take a carrot from him and he squeals with excitement, often he is met with a nicker of affection.

At night he sleeps with me.  We go to bed and he snuggles in for some milky, and adjusts a bit to get comfortable.  Usually he'll end up half on top of my chest with his ear on my heart and his fingers in my hair. I can smell his unique scent and drink the time in.  I complain a lot about this sometimes, but truth of it is, I love the closeness with him.  I love watching him smile in his sleep, his eyes dance with dreams.  I love being there if he wakes up scared so I can comfort him. 

All of this joy and happiness have taught me to see the miracles in the small things.  Feel the joy in the smallest things.  Allowing myself to get super excited and not feel embarrassed about it.  To take more time to experience life instead of racing through it.

The Kids Speech

Each of my kids has had his or her own word to mean breastfeeding. Princess called it "Ba Ba", Stinky called it "Nummies", Peas called it "Nursies", Pixie called it "Milky", now LittleDude (Scooter) calls it "Na Na".

Each of the kids came up with these names on their own.  How adorable can you get?  When a little kid comes up and looks up at you with big eyes and asks for milk.  Which is asking for closeness and snuggles, how can I say no?

Religious Education and tears

I am not really a crier.  I, today, had to hold back tears and fight to keep from crying in front of a room full of 10 year old kids.

We were discussing hunger as a world issue and what the truly, desperately, hungry people of the world go through- and it made my stomach hurt, my chest hurt.  I cannot fathom being a mother of kids and hearing my children cry and not be able to feed them.

Feeding my children is something I, as a mother, am biologically, drawn to.  I make milk for my babies and feed them from my body, the same way I grew them in my body.  Not being able to feed one's children and watching them suffer must be absolute agony for a mother.

On a humorous note, while we were watching a video on the hungry babies and children, I let down milk.  Lots of milk, and leaked.  It is as if my body's instinctual response to hungry babies and children is to produce milk-- milk makes everything better.

We are extremely blessed.  The times my kids are hungry is when my kids have decided they did not want to eat what I had.  It is not from a lack of food.  It is not from a lack of shelter, heat, and sanitary conditions.  Its because my children have never truly known hunger.  To be honest, neither have I.  I have starved myself as a function of an eating disorder- never from lack of actual food.

So what can we do as a group or as individuals?  We can't realistically ship boxes of candy overseas to impoverished people.  There are a few reasons for this one being that when a body is starving- reintroducing complex foods and fat to a person is not a good idea- their bodies cannot process it.  As a body starves it starts consuming itself for survival.  In critically malnourished people- careful nutrition in easy to digest forms is critical.  Additionally, how many people who live in abject poverty have a refrigerator, pans, cutlery, a can opener, a stove? Food needs to be easy to prepare and store.
Also, throughout the world there are people who do not eat certain foods for religious reasons.

One organization that I have been impressed with is Feed My Starving Children, they pack nutritionally dense, easy to prepare, ship, and store food worldwide.  One thing I am not clear on is that, as a Christian organization, does it serve people who are not Christian? Do they require bible study or anything as a condition for receiving food or service?  I have asked this question of them and am awaiting a response.  My personal belief is that the food should be available for everyone, no questions no demands- everyone is deserving of food- not just Christians. So before I commit to supporting this organization, I need to figure that out.

Do you know of any other organizations that are helpful and are open to supporting ALL people?

Attatchment Parenting--ahead of the fashion

So Attachment Parenting is the new thing.

Celebrities are doing it.  It is 'in' to babywear (in a non crotch-dangler), it is in to co-sleep (or bed-share), breastfeeding is cool now, cloth diapers are stylish, gentle parenting is the new rule, milk sharing is more mainstream, crying it out is out, and listening to our instincts is replacing listening to experts.

Thank goodness.

I am always behind the times.  Like terribly behind the times- on this though I am thrilled (and proud) that I was ahead of the curve- maybe the only time I have ever been 'ahead of my time'.

When I would wear my now 8 year old because she liked to cuddle, I would be told that she needed to learn to self soothe.  She couldn't learn to self sooth unless I showed her and made her feel safe.

When we opted out of most baby proofing in favor of being with the kids and watching them or just putting things away (like in storage, away)  that could be broken or injure them (like choosing green cleaning products--- goooooo vinegar!) I was told that my kids would be injured, poisoned, or whatever.  Thus far, no one has died and my children are learning to use their bodies adeptly-  I am usually observing ready to step in if there is an issue, but usually I let them be.

When we did extended breastfeeding with Stinky- I felt I needed to hide it.  I am proud that I have been able to nurse my kids for a long time.  We have an amazing bond and the benefits of breastfeeding are undeniable.

When we let Peas set her own pace for things instead of pushing her, I was told that I was doing her a dis-service.  Peas is an amazing girl- but stubborn.  Pushing her would prevent or delay her growing into the awesome kid she is.

When Pixie lived on my chest for months because she was happiest there, I was told she needed to be on her own or she'd have a hard time walking.  She walked at 9 mos.

When Little Dude crawls around the house that has not been sanitized I have been told he will get sick.  Actually- his immune system will be stimulated and learn to respond to threats.  By nursing him I am giving him a boost, but for your body to make antibodies- it first needs to be exposed to the bug.

Now, it seems that my weird parenting style is becoming more mainstream and people are seeing the benefits of it- yay!

Our instincts are there for a reason. Listen to them (use reason and good judgment too, of course, but our instincts are to care for and protect our babies by keeping them close).

(and as a post script- I just have to say it----- I told you so.)

Ahead of the times??

I am always behind the times. Ok- not always- but usually.

However... I have noticed something. My parenting style is ahead of the curve.

Before baby-wearing was in I wore my babies (thanks to some wonderful women for introducing that to me). I would tell so many people about how amazing baby-wearing and no one would listen to me. Now of course these same women are eager to try baby-wearing.

Before cloth diapers were in again, I was eagerly researching and trying them. No one believed me when I said that they are not that hard.

Breastfeeding. I am an extended tandem breast feeding mom. 8 years ago I would never have imagined myself here. Now more and more mothers are electing to breastfeed and some are even breastfeeding 2 children. This is so exciting!

Things that I did which were firmly on the crunchy edge of the spectrum are now moving towards mainstream.

I must admit I am feeling a little proud right now. I really really want to loudly and obnoxiously sing "told you so!!!" but I will refrain- and instead take pleasure knowing that children are having their needs met.

The trouble with boobs

As much as guys love breasts, I have to say they are a big pain.

I almost cried when I started getting boobs.  I would have done anything to cut them right off.   As a teen with body issues and an eating disorder two lumps of fat stuck front and center on my body were certainly not welcome additions to my eating disorder party.

After getting pregnant my breasts grew to immense and disturbing proportions.

Being that I am short and have a smaller frame, large breasts make finding clothes hard.  Really hard.

It doesn't get any easier.  Now my boobs are giant and they are deflated like two bowling balls.  I am now wearing a 32 HH and the cup size is too small.  I mean really.  This should not be allowed.

The inadvertently knock things over and otherwise get in the way.  Big boobs are not fun.

My Problem with the AP (Attachment Parenting) movement

Full disclosure: I am an attachment parenting parent.

First, I think it is great that Attachment Parenting is getting press. Yay!

What I do not like is that people are now clamoring to be AP parents. I tried on mainstream parenting with Princess it sucked for us. It did not feel good- like a sweater that it itchy and does not fit right and rubs in all the wrong places.  So I stopped and started listing to my heart and my instincts and doing what felt right.

I did not run out and buy 30 books and try each brand of parenting on.  I tried to listen to what my heart was saying and go with that. So far it works.  I am not an ideal attachment parent.  I do not follow all of the rules.  Following all of the attachment parenting rules also felt forced to me. So I again, did what feels right.

It is important to note that what feels right varies from child to child and from stage to stage. The unique nature of children needs to be honored.  They are individuals too.

I do believe that especially when babies are infants and newborns I need to put aside some of my needs to meet theirs.  If I need a shower and the baby needs to eat whose need gets met? The baby's my needs can wait.  I am older and understand priorities better.  Babies live in the moment.

The issue is that babies and kids can sense a fake a mile away.  If parents are doing this just because it is 'in' it will not be authentic or genuine for anyone and benefit no one.

Beware: Breasfeeding post below

I am a devoted breastfeeding mom (I dislike the word breastfeeding though. Intensely dislike).

In my mothering adventures I have run into a quite a few people who have indicated that they were not intending to breastfeed. Some said they were uncomfortable with the idea, some had no interest, etc. I am genuinely curious why? What makes you uncomfortable about it? Why does it not interest you?

In a culture that is so head over heels in love with doing what is best for babies all of the time, shouldn't breastfeeding be kind of a no-brainer? This is the only normal food for a baby to eat, anything else is substandard. No parent would consider giving their child a substandard start by any means, so why is substandard food okay? This is not to say that women who truly do have an issue should feel guilty about not breastfeeding, but why willingly opt to feed your baby something less than standard?

Before you jump all over me about guilt. I get it. And you know what? I can't make anyone feel guilty. If someone feels guilty, that is on them, not me. Maybe it says that they should be doing something else if they feel guilty.

Yes, some people cannot nurse for one reason or another, but statistically that number is what 5%? Either I know the most unlucky 5% in the world or people are giving up too easily.

Full disclosure. I started nursing my first in the NICU. I had absolutely no intention of breastfeeding her until the NICU experience. I was completely uneducated about breastfeeding, and after learning I was sold. No nursing was not easy for me. I had a baby in the NICU and I had to learn to feed her, at the same time she had to learn to eat, breath, maintain temperature, and grow. It was hard. We did it. Until my milk dried up. Then I tried every darn herb, pumping, and trick I could before switching to formula. If I had been aware of it, I would have looked for donor milk, but at that point, I did the best I could with what I had.