Burn centers are not fun

I love camping. I grew up camping with my family and some of my favorite memories were camping in the Rockies.

Taking 5 kids camping is a lot different than one or two kids camping.

Being that, under the best of circumstances we have zone defense as opposed to a man on man plan. Sometimes, zone defense leaves someone unprotected.

Henry grabbed a hot lantern and was burned.

For as bad of a burn as it was, he wasn't hysterical for the majority of the time.  He cried and said "Ow. Ow" but he was very calm for the vast majority of the time.

For the first time I was thankful that my kids had been squabbling before we left as we had a bag of half melted ice in cool water and clean paper towels. I put paper towels over his burn and put the cool pack on it and set off for the hospital.

Henry was so brave.  He did have to be sedated to have the burn cleaned, and he hated it.  He couldn't figure out how to work his legs.

After the fuss of getting his burn cleaned and dressed he earned a prize.  A dinosaur, he immediately turned it over and showed me where it pooped from. 

Finally, we were allowed to go home, with a recheck at the burn clinic two days later.  In the interim I had to apply cream, clean, and bandage the burn.  He was given prescription oral pain medicine, but he only needed it for 3 days- after that he went to regular over the counter stuff.

The re-check was great.  His burn looked great. We didn't have to go back for a whole week.

I am running out of spare parts

I do not have: wisdom teeth, appendix, and one kidney.

Soon I will also lack a gall bladder. Apparently it has been acting up for a while and I just started to tune into the issues since I was no longer in pain from an obnoxious kidney.

I have to schedule its execution date at some point and I really really am not looking forward to it.  I hoped to be done with surgeries. 

In talking with my surgeon I joked that I am running out of removable parts- soon I'll be down to the bare minimum for functioning.  He laughed and said he and his colleagues had a bet going to see who could remove the most parts from a person and still have a functional life. I rolled my eyes so hard. 

A day with out antianxiety meds

When I was a teenager there was clearly something wrong with me.  I would get furious, not angry- furious- for no good reason.  I couldn't sleep well.  My thoughts were racing. I had an eating disorder. In short I was nuts.

My parents tried to get me help, and like any teen I fought them tooth and nail.  The doctors tried to tell my parents that I was bipolar. I am not.  I don't lay around in bed unable to move-- just the opposite. My head and thoughts move so fast I can't move.  It is like being pulled in a thousand and three directions at the same time and you can't even begin to figure out what your thinking because your brain has already moved on to 10 new things.

While your at it totally innocuous thoughts become worst case scenarios in seconds. If I were a super hero I would be Worst Case Scenario Girl: able to jump from nothing to catastrophe in seconds.

Finally, as an adult- I found a doctor and explained my thought process. He looked at me and said I had severe anxiety.  He prescribed meds for that.  The first time I took them, I was wary, but then they too effect and it was amazing.  I wondered, "is this how normal people feel all the time?" My brain and thoughts stopped racing.  I stopped having to work my self up to being able to handle the stress of grocery shopping.  Picking a brand of OJ was no longer a 10 minute debate.  I didn't snap at my husband.  I didn't get so frustrated with everything.  Life was so much more enjoyable.

The day before yesterday, I ran out of meds.  I was only out for a day.  But in that day- my behavior change was obvious.  It was not good.  Thankfully, I got my meds right away and by the next day I had managed to regulate a bit more. 

I am not ashamed of my anxiety and panic disorder.  I am not ashamed of my asthma or kidney issues or my blood issue. They are medical issues that can be treated and when treated I am fine.

This being mental health awareness week I feel the need to speak about how anxiety does not always look like a panic attack.. it can... but it can look a lot of other ways to.

I am not reliant exclusively on meds either.  I exercise a lot- but for times like this, when I need to rest and recover- they are a freaking gift from science (and G-d)

Anxiety in my head

Do you have anxiety?  I do.

Living with anxiety is like living in a pressure cooker.  My thoughts race so fast that I can't put words to them or slow them down long enough to even breath.  My heart races, breathing quickens, and muscles tense- and that is an average day- being engulfed in a sense of terror for no reason feeling like I could lose my mind and jump out of my skin. 

When I found my current doctor, I was suffering from this pretty acutely.  Thankfully, this was an easy one for him to pin down and immediately started me on meds to help calm my mind.  I do not advocate going on medications for every little thing, but there are times when they are necessary.  Sometimes it is a short term thing sometimes it is a long term one, which ever it is- its ok.

People should not feel stigmatized because they are sick.  Whether the sick is a brain thing or a kidney thing or whatever.  It is no ones fault.  Sick is just sick- and sick people need care- not judgement. So I will be very open about my experiences- maybe so others will not feel stigmatized or alone.

When I started the meds and they started working, it was like my head was quieter.  My brain and thoughts slowed to what must be a normal speed. It was amazing to feel that.  Is this what normal people feel like all the time?  I could sit still, I didn't twitch.  I could sleep.  It was like someone stopped pressing fast forward in my head.

Now, especially during stressful times I have break through anxiety and I need to tweak my meds and work on meditation a bit more but now more than ever I don't feel a fight or flight response when the doorbell rings.

Inside the mind of anxiety

Oh mental health....why must you require such diligence.

I am very prone to anxiety.  I can leap to an absolute catastrophe in my head in minutes- ok more like seconds.  When I am having anxiety issues I am very irritable.  This is good for no one.

My prescription for my meds ran out not that long ago and I thought it is 19 days... I can make it through 19 days. I was so so so very wrong.

Aside from the physical issues associated with suddenly stopping medication I was batshit insane, and this is an insult to bats (sorry).  Headaches. Crabby.  Over-reactions. Not to mention my dear friend the eating disorder was right there to greet me.

Yesterday, after deciding I could not put myself or my family through another day of crazy mama- and begged for more meds.  I promised I would keep my appointment but I needed something to get me through.

Thankfully, my doctor understood.  She called back to say the prescriptions had been called in. I did a happy dance and flew to the pharmacy.

Of course- the pharm tech only heard ONE of the prescriptions being called in- there should have been TWO. I almost died. Sweet relief was coming to be snatched away from me.  The pharmacy agreed to call my doctor-- lo and behold-- there SHOULD have been two scripts not just one.  Got home and took my meds in a few days I should see some improvement.

Moral of the story: Going off meds is a BAD idea.  Second: know your meds- your pharmacy may not.