Its been quiet around here huh?

Well--- sometimes no news is good news, sometimes no news is just busy, and sometimes, no news means my kidney is up to trickery and I am having hard time accepting it.

I got sick in June.  Like I do, I wished it away, figured that it was stress and it would get better.  I went to the doctor after a few days and he gave me antibiotics and all was well.  A few days later, I couldn't keep anything down.  Even the Zofran for nausea. So went to the ER. After waiting a year and a day the doc took one look at me and admitted me.  She seriously didn't even run labs first. 

7 days.  7 days on IV antibiotics to kick this infection.

Home for a few days. 

Then sick again. 


This time with scary bacteria.  My kidney does a go big or go home thing apparently-- and it goes big.

So now I am on antibiotics-- they make me very very tired and have some other fun side effects. Also learned today that I will need to investigate some funky stuff on my ovaries further.

But........

I am ok. My kids are great, having a wonderful summer. B is wonderful. life is beautiful

Right now, I can be awake for about 2 hours before I need to sleep again, so I will write more when I have more energy.

Flashback to my grandmother

B's grandfather is elderly (duh) and not exactly in the best health. Recently, he has had to spend sometime at a nursing home to get back on his feet. 

We went to visit him.

Nursing homes must all be about the same. We walked in signed in and followed the signs to his room. 

In a heartbeat, I was back with my grandmother on a hot summer day instead of a winter one.  I did not anticipate this. Maybe I should have. 

My vision shifted, my ears roared, and my heart pounded.  It was just like my grandmother. B's grandfather's room was at the end of the hallway, and that hall went on forever.  Each step moving us backwards instead of forwards.

She has not been gone for very long, only 18 months, but still, I think of her daily.  I made her fudge for the holidays. I looked at her needle work and admired it.

My grandmother was pretty darn great, and I miss her.

Burn centers are not fun

I love camping. I grew up camping with my family and some of my favorite memories were camping in the Rockies.

Taking 5 kids camping is a lot different than one or two kids camping.

Being that, under the best of circumstances we have zone defense as opposed to a man on man plan. Sometimes, zone defense leaves someone unprotected.

Henry grabbed a hot lantern and was burned.

For as bad of a burn as it was, he wasn't hysterical for the majority of the time.  He cried and said "Ow. Ow" but he was very calm for the vast majority of the time.

For the first time I was thankful that my kids had been squabbling before we left as we had a bag of half melted ice in cool water and clean paper towels. I put paper towels over his burn and put the cool pack on it and set off for the hospital.

Henry was so brave.  He did have to be sedated to have the burn cleaned, and he hated it.  He couldn't figure out how to work his legs.

After the fuss of getting his burn cleaned and dressed he earned a prize.  A dinosaur, he immediately turned it over and showed me where it pooped from. 

Finally, we were allowed to go home, with a recheck at the burn clinic two days later.  In the interim I had to apply cream, clean, and bandage the burn.  He was given prescription oral pain medicine, but he only needed it for 3 days- after that he went to regular over the counter stuff.

The re-check was great.  His burn looked great. We didn't have to go back for a whole week.

Bleeding Heart Liberals

We live in a very conservative Christian town.  Ostensibly this would mean that there is a huge charity focus, residents would be non-judgmental, kind, and accepting.

And I was called a bleeding heart liberal- because of my political leanings.

I prefer compassionate.

I do not like seeing people have to choose between medical care and food- I strongly oppose that.

The environment needs to be protected- we only have one planet- we need to treasure it and care for it.

I do not like seeing oppressed people further oppressed. I will stand with anyone who tries to stop it.

I do not like seeing people victimized.  I will stand with any one to try and stop it.

My beliefs and morals are mine... and they guide my behavior and choices- but I may not impose them on anyone else. Our government was founded on the principle of religious freedom (freedom of religion and from religion).

Maybe I am a bleeding heart liberal.  I hope I can raise my kids to be compassionate bleeding heart liberals too.

I am running out of spare parts

I do not have: wisdom teeth, appendix, and one kidney.

Soon I will also lack a gall bladder. Apparently it has been acting up for a while and I just started to tune into the issues since I was no longer in pain from an obnoxious kidney.

I have to schedule its execution date at some point and I really really am not looking forward to it.  I hoped to be done with surgeries. 

In talking with my surgeon I joked that I am running out of removable parts- soon I'll be down to the bare minimum for functioning.  He laughed and said he and his colleagues had a bet going to see who could remove the most parts from a person and still have a functional life. I rolled my eyes so hard. 

Pen Envy

I posted a while back about how excited I was to try InkJoy pens.  Pens that were supposed to be amazing-- how often do you see commercials for pens on tv? So I was so excited to get my hands on them.  They were underwhelming.

There was a gritty feeling (I have no idea what to call it- it just feels odd writing) The ink didn't become gooey or anything, it just didn't feel smooth.

I prefer pens that are very glidy my current favorite is a Papermate profile- they are so smooth when writing. They also have a cushy grip thing- all about comfort right?  I have tried and tried to love gel ink pens but as of yet I have not found one that I love.  

Obviously, this is not a real problem but I have some strange fascination with office supplies- specifically pens.   I am always on the hunt for the perfect pen.

I think I found one.  I was in the ER getting ready to be admitted (shocking!) and the admitting person had a fabulous pen!! She said it was a gel pen (cue angels singing), and it was so smooth!!! Here is my issue- all it said on it was PaperMate-- nothing else-- and I can't find them anywhere.  I am going to go nuts looking for the Holy Grail of pens!

Do you have a pen or office supply you love?? Tell me about it.

A time to mourn

I still can't really believe my grandmother is dead.  Even the word has an empty, hollow, metallic, tone to it. 

In the last few years of her life I was able to spend a good amount of time with her and I am forever grateful.  She was never too busy for a chat or too busy for a visit.

Now, the kids will do something, and I think, "Oh Grandma will really get a kick out of that" but its me who gets a kick- she's dead.

The big thing that I wish I could tell her more about was Stinky going fishing.  Her husband, my grandfather- one of the people Stinky is named for loved to fish.  I wish I could sit with her and tell her more about it.  She would have loved it.  My brief- "He went fishing and actually caught fish!!!" does not do it justice.  Grandma would have laughed at how excited he was and laughed when I told her how awful I was at baiting the hook for him. 

One thing that stays with me is, the last time she was in the hospital and I was with her she was begging me to 'unfasten' her restraints.  First, who uses unfasten-- why not just say take them off?  Down to the word choice it was perfectly her.  Second, the angel of a nurse let me take off her restraints as long as I was with her- of course- then I would stay for the next few hours, because tying her back to the bed was the last thing that she wanted (or I wanted). 

She also asked for a handkerchief. Not a tissue. A handkerchief.  Small choices in the word choice made her-- her. 

After she had her handkerchief and was relaxed I read to her from Tom Sawyer- I didn't know any authors she liked but figured Tom Sawyer was a safe bet.

My grandmother was a wonderful woman.  An amazing person. 

Mama got very sick

You see last weekend, I had a blood clot in my brain.

I don't really remember what happened.  It is all kind of fuzzy.  I remember not knowing where my two middle girls were (at my in laws).  I couldn't figure out things basic things.  Nothing made sense.   There was a tub of flour on the table and I couldn't figure out why and it was very upsetting.

Somehow I called my husband.  He realized there was an issue based on my slurring my speech and talking about things that made no sense what so ever. He wanted to me to give the phone to Princess so she could help.  I- being stupid and not with it- refused. Arguing with me when like that was like arguing with 4 year old over ice cream.  There was no reason.

At some point I had a glimpse of reason and decided to call 911.

My husband called my in laws to help, they arrived around the same time as the ambulance.

Everyone realized there was something seriously wrong.

I could not communicate with anyone.  (thought I remember telling people things)
Apparently I had a facial droop, difference in strength and other signs of a brain issue.

At the hospital I  had a a bunch of tests that I don't remember.  I stayed overnight.

********************************************************************************

that being the story I wanted to have my kids tell about how they felt so other kids who have a family member experience a medical emergency can know they are not alone.

Princess -age 9-

I didn't know what was happening, I thought my mom might die.  I tried to remember what to do.  I was scared.  When the police and the fire department came it was confusing there were too many people. 

Stinky -age 6-

I was confused.  I wished she would get all better.  There were a lot of people here to help.

Pixie gets stitches

In this episode of "What on Earth is going to go wrong next" Pixie gets stitches.

My kids are active players.  Pixie got a mini trampoline just so she can get her fill of bouncing in.  The child loves to bounce...and run..

Which is how this story begins.  Pixie was playing dress up with Peas.  They were being princesses-- warrior princesses to be exact and there was some kerfuffle involving a polar bear and a kite (I have no idea... they have great imaginations).  Pixie came tearing around the corner into the dining room and *thwack* right into the table.  Just above her right eye.  There was blood everywhere.

*crap*  I yelled for Husband- tried to detach LittleDude who was enjoying a milky delicious snack and went to put him down. Pretty quickly it was apparent that she would need to be sewn back together- dermabond would not cut it for this cut (see what I did there???).

OF course it was right when I needed to get the big kids.  Thank Heavens a neighbor could get them and keep them until we got back.

Peas new we were serious when we told her to get dressed right away so we could go to the doctor.

While we were driving I held pressure on Pixie's head and Peas prayed- if you have never heard a 4 year old's earnest prayers- you should they are the best.

Pixie was amazingly brave and wanted her big sister to hold her hand.  She did not fuss or cry at all when she was sewn up.

Hyperemsis Gravidarum

Oh Duchess (or Princess) I feel for you.  

Hyperemisis ins not just morning sickness it is really hell, absolute and total hell.  It was wanting to die but knowing you wanted your baby.  It was actually considering abortion.  It was going on anti nausea meds meant for cancer patients.  It was painful.  I have had experienced it complete with home IV therapy. 

Whats worse is unless you have been there, you can't understand.

Hyperemesis can cause re-emergence of depression or anxiety.  It is very lonely.  

I remember wanting to hit anyone who brushed me off as having morning sickness- but I couldn't move without being dizzy or puking.  I questioned myself a lot-- was I doing the right thing? Was I just being dramatic?  Was my doctor treating me effectively? I desperately wanted to explain to my husband how hellish it was and being so angry when he minimized it. 

The judgement.  Oh the judgement was hurtful.  It cut deep. 


 The thing that helped the most was finding other women who had been there.  So my advice to anyone who has hyperemisis is to know that you are not alone.  You are not weak-  you are stronger than you know. 
Find a community who will support you and lean on them. 

5 reasons to give blood

Please Please Please give blood. I have spent the past few days receiving blood. My kidney stent was causing me to loose a lot of blood that put me in a dangerous situation. Thanks to some generous people quite literally giving themselves, I am okay.

1. You don't have to die. Almost everyone I talk to is an Organ Donor, and you have to actually die (usually) to give your organs, blood... all you need is a few hours.  However, not many people give blood. 
2. It is almost painless, one needle stick. Just one.
3. You get some yummy treats- after you give blood you get to have some great treats- and a good excuse to indulge.
4. You will be a hero. Literally. Blood donors save lives.
5. It is one way to give that doesn't cost a thing.

For obvious reasons I can't give blood right now. But I will again as soon as am I am able. Please give blood, you never know when you- or a loved one will need it. I certainly did not expect to need blood this week, but I did. I am so thankful it was available for me.