Pole Love

I have been a member of the pole community for a few years now.  This weekend was the first time I actually went to a show.... and I was floored and inspired.

Pole is amazing for a huge number of reasons and I am humbled and thankful to be part of an amazing community that supports, accepts, and loves one another.

I have been to workshops with my hip that was falling apart no one judged me- I was just encouraged.  I went to a workshop with a kidney issue and was struggling with everything- again no judgement.... just love and encouragement.

I am facing a scary surgery in a few days, and I have told a few pole people about it.  They have universally been so amazing and so supportive- and the all were asking me how I was before the show. 

The show was astounding.  It made me so happy to see so many people loving pole and sharing it with others- members of the pole community and non polers- it was so fantastic

There were women of all shapes and sizes performing and all were loved and cheered for (of course all of the performers were freaking incredible!).

I am inspired to love my body more-- despite it being a bit shitty sometimes.  I am inspired to give myself wholeheartedly to pole and my friends- not holding my heart back.

It was an awesome show and I can't wait for the next one

StripCraft and Booty Work

A while ago I was fortunate enough to take a workshop with the incomparable Lux ATL one of the most amazing women I have ever had the privilege to meet.

I love pole.  It is my sanctuary, it functions as a work-out, social time, therapy, and so much more for me.  However, I am not much of a dancer, I struggle with flow.  I struggle with confidence, I struggle...

This workshop was heaven.  It was home.

First: Lux is crazy smart.  Which is so cool-- but not unusual in the pole world- the number of women who are unbelievably smart is staggering. What makes Lux unique is that she is so approachable she accepts and values her students as women where ever we are.  She also speaks her mind- this is hard. As a women if you speak your mind too loudly you're a bitch or worse... Lux embraces this and encourages women to embrace this.. I have an awesome shirt from her that reads "pro bitch"

When I dance I get self conscious and convince myself that everyone is so much better than I am- so much sexier-- essentially just that I stink.

Which leads me to....

Second:  It was like she was talking to me when she was laying out the class. Which leads me to believe my fears and anxieties are not unusual.

The first tenet of her class is:

Only you possess what only you possess

Simple, huh? Well yes, this makes sense, but how do I know what I possess that only I possess?  That is the journey.  That we all have to learn and to learn it we have to play with a lot of things and inevitably make mistakes.  As we are learning and on our jouney, remember that everyone else is on their own journey and we may all be making mistakes as we learn and grow.

The second is: 

Be vulnerable. Be willing to act weird in public

I certainly and self conscious and am afraid to act silly in public for fear of "what will people think?"
By staying in my comfort zone I am limiting myself and not growing.  Growth happens outside an individual's comfort zone. Make an impression. Be weird. Have fun. Embrace it. 

The third and final tenet is:

No shame. No fear. No apologies. Just Love. 

This one have a hard time with. I struggle with shame. I struggle with being fearful. I apologize way too much. I can extent love and acceptance to everyone but myself.  Recently, Amy Schumer did a skit on women and apologizing and how we as women apologize for everything.  

So I am working on it. 

I also plan on taking her classes again to really have the chance to better absorb her wisdom and learn from her incredible booty isolation ways.


Day to day- I am carrying her lessons with me, and not just practicing booty isolations in traffic- but embracing myself for who I am and loving it. All of it.

No, I don't dance for anyone

No one aside from my pole sisters have ever seen me pole dance. 

Pole dancing has been thought of as a sexual act for so long, and it is. Really, pole rose to prominence in the US because of exotic dancers (aka strippers).  Without them, pole would not be. Pole can also be sensual, athletic, modern, or lyrical etc- it is an art, a sport, a career- it is whatever the individual doing it wants it to be.

For me though- pole helps me get in touch with my feelings, it helps me get in touch with my (please do not laugh too hard) sexy side.

So why do I want to get in touch with my sexy side if I am not going to let someone see? I do not believe that as a woman, as a pole dancer I need to be of sexual service to men unless I want to. There is no obligation inherent in being a pole dancer (for fitness or any other purpose).

A lot of people say something along the lines of "your husband must be happy" or "I bet he loves to watch you practice".

I do not pole for anyone but myself.

When I say something along the lines of "Well no one else has seen me dance" most often I am met with a response in the vein of "Then what's the point?" Which is to say: what is the point of being and feeling sexy if someone else is not going to benefit from it?

I want to feel connected to my femininity, my sexuality, my sensual side for me. Not for the benefit of someone else.  

and just because I can-- here are UNEDITED pictures from a shoot I had.

Share the love

I have recently had to opportunity through some truly amazing women to share my love of pole with others and hopefully help them to love it as much as I do.

Pole has helped me through some of the worst times in my life and I am honored to share it with others.  I truly do not know if I would have made it through intact with out my pole family.

I seriously want to jump up and down with giddiness and joy. 

What do I want pole students to get out of it?

Everyone is different, and that is awesome.  Each of us moves our bodies differently and it is amazing, this is where the artistry of dance comes in.  We could all be given four tricks to do and the same music to do them too and yet all look totally different.

Pole is a sport- but it is also an art. If you aren't into the acrobatic tricks-- that's fine there are endless things you can do.  Walking can be amazing to watch- its all about artistry. 

You may not get every trick.  This is fine!! A lot of us have tricks we don't do for a lot of reasons. It doesn't make you less than anyone- it makes you--- you.

Love yourself and your body. Your body is part of you--- it is not *you*.  Your body doesn't define you.  I never got this until I was really involved with this physical sport-- ironic huh?

Be kind. Not everyone responds to tough love. I don't. I will get defensive and put up walls to keep people out. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

Feminism or a hate group

Full disclosure I am edit and revise this post as my thoughts evolve.

I have been a self proclaimed feminist and always kind of wondered why there were 'man hating' segments of that group.

Laurie A Couture pointed out that feminism has a propensity to disregard, intentionally the needs of other groups. And after many hours thinking about it- I came to the conclusion that that is true.  This is by no means to say that I think that all is hunky dory and whatever, just that by forwarding the agenda of one social group we are by default neglecting and in a way subjecting them to violence-- not always physical violence but mental and emotional- which can be just as damaging.

Here is were I am struggling: women, African Americans, Jews, Native Americans etc have all been oppressed as individual groups throughout history.  Each of these groups have amazing and powerful histories to tell and have amazing cultures to share- I am eager to learn as much about every culture I can get myself and my children exposed to.

But as long as we as a society define success as doing well in school, business, having the best house etc how can we expect those groups that have been started so far behind the starting line of white privilege? Change the definition of success?  I am all for that.

But what about the drug and gang culture?  How can we end that?  I firmly feel that secure- trusted attachment and engaging unschooling is the best deterrent to that- rather than great schools.

Back to my point.  Feminism can be considered a hate group when taken at is source.  When feminism neglects that ALL people are worthy that ALL people are deserving then it becomes a hate group.  When we realize that be being people. By being human makes us equal.  I am not equal to a man because I am a woman-  I am equal to another human because I am human.

We teach our daughters to be modest and not get raped we teach our sons to be gentlemen.  But we neglect to teach our daughters to not rape.  Girls can be sexually aggressive too. But boys often feel like they can't report it- it wouldn't be manly.  What a tragedy for their sensitive souls and hearts. Boys in fact are probably the recipients of most sexual violence and domestic violence- and then they are punished for it.  It makes no sense.

Laurie Couture, one of my parenting mentors and smartest women I know is a wonderful advocate for young boys,  I can only hope to follow in her footsteps to help save and protect young boys and men.  Her son is a shining example of a compassionate, smart, empathic young man. 

Dayna Martin, another mentor and amazing woman is a mother to an amazing unschooled family and she is a daily inspiration of compassion, advocacy, and light.

There is a lot more to say on this but my pain meds are kicking in so I will be done now.

Pole pics

I have gotten a few question to pose pictures of pole tricks...but I have not been confident.

Please be kind.

I know these are easier tricks.... But I am really confident in these (I know the flatline needs to get more horizontal)

Why I am voting for Obama

Don't hate me--- or fine-- hate me-- but I am still voting that way.

Personally, my ethics and believes about a lot of social issues lean right.  But these are my beliefs.  They are right for me.  Not for everyone.  One of the most important things I believe in is the absolute separation of church and state. No one, can or should, attempt to legislate morality. 

It would be great if government did not have to step in and provide help to people less fortunate.

Yes, we support charities. 

A lot of charities only provide assistance to people of a certain demographic.  A lot of people do not live in an area where there is aid readily available.  So until there is enough charitable aid available for everyone who needs it- the government as a whole needs to fill in.

Social justice.

Freedom of and from religion.  We are not a Christian Nation and more than we are a Jewish nation or a Muslim nation.  We are a nation of diversity, and that is a good thing. 

Pole Dancing as a Feminist Statement

When I first began pole dancing lessons I was concerned about betraying my feminist inclinations by doing something that seemingly objectifies women so blatantly. Honestly, this was one of my biggest concerns about the classes, how it would impact me ethically. How could I claim to be a feminist if I was actively participating in subjugation of women?

Or not.

One of the biggest surprises for me was how empowering it was to pole dancing. Yes, there is a large part of it based on sensuality and sexuality, but that is secondary to the confidence and strength that comes from twirling around the pole.

Embracing my femininity and sexuality does not mean that I am surrendering my identity as a feminist. To the contrary. I think that embracing all of the aspects including the sexual and sensual of my gender is more empowering. Additionally, how many men do you know who can climb a pole upside down wearing booty shorts and a sports bra?

So my initial impression and concern could not have been more unfounded. I am more aware of my body, my sensual side, my sexual side, I am a heck of a lot stronger, and a hell of a lot more confident.

Must discuss options

Last week, Princess and I were discussing what she wanted to be when she grew up.
She said she wanted to be a mother. Okay...well.. I resisted the urge to say, "is that it??" as I know full well being a mother can be a damn hard job.

However, I do not her to feel like she is limited. She can be whatever she darn well pleases.

For a moment it felt like I had failed her as a mom and feminist. After re-framing my thoughts and seeing them in the light that feminism- to me- is about choice- that a person can chose to do what they want- not be hemmed in. So she has the freedom to choose and the ability to do whatever she wants. That is key. Heck she is only 7, she could easily change her mind many many times.