Bringing Summer Back

It was nearly 90 degrees here last week for a day and I decided to live it up with the kids.

We went to two playgrounds and then to the Arboretum- which is one of our favorite places one that we have not been to in a while but once there it was like revisiting happier times with my like minded mama friends from whom we have drifted away or who have moved away.

We must give off a pheromone of crunchy family as we immediately started chatting with a mom dabbling in crunchy life.

It was almost like before I got sick.  Before I started living live around doctor visits and pain, and I loved it.  So did the kids.

Honestly, I hurt. My lack of kidney hurt. My incisions hurt. But it was worth it.

It was a great way to start the summer.  I even got my first sunburn of the season. 

Don't tell me to calm down

I have anxiety.  At times it can feel crippling.  Having someone tell me to calm down is like pouring gasoline on a fire: it does no good- and actually makes it worse. If  'calming down' was that easy don't you think I'd do it?? Would you tell someone having a heart attack to just stop? No?  (I certainly hope not, at least.) Then don't tell me to calm down.

Its insulting to be told that- as if I had some choice in the matter.  Anxiety is not something that I can schedule.  It just is.

Another thing not to do-- for the love of all that is holy- do not try and surprise or scar me.  I may surprise you by hitting you.

How old do you think I am, exactly??

I was on the younger side when I started having kids.  Princess, my first, will be 10 in a few weeks- and I am 32.  22 years old, these days is really young to start a family- yet my mother at that age already had two kids, and that was normal.

Most of the time the kids do not ask silly questions like "did you have electricity when you were a kid?" generally, they assume that things were the same then as they are now.

The other day though, I was asked if we had one of those cars from the 1960s when I was little- after just discussing that I was born in the 1980s and that that car was from the 1960s.

So I asked the kids what they thought it was like when I was little.  There were some interesting answers.  They thought we had a milk man.  They thought girls always had to wear skirts.  Yet 10 minutes later they were asking something relating to calling my mom on her cell phone, email, and internet.

Silly kids.  Cell phones are their norm.  The internet is the norm.  Email is norm.  So I told them a story about going to the library and using books-- not Google and about the card catalog.  And about the printers with the tooth fed paper.  

DIY haircuts

This is the difference between the first child and the second child.  With 5 its a miracle that I have kept them all alive.

When Princess cut her hair I cried. Called Brian and begged him to come home because I could not possible cope with her cutting her hair.

Now Pixie cuts her hair (again) I sigh and debate between wine and a margarita and consider evening it out. No tears. Just deep breaths.

Crisis. We are screwed

How many loads of laundry do you do in day?  A week? There are 5 kids here who live like they are in a fashion show- and our washer is broken- it will not be fixed for a week.

I told the kids they could not change their clothes more than once a day and for the love of all that is holy to stop leaving clothes on the floor if they decided that they do not want to wear something. They looked at me like I had three heads.

"what if we get dirty?" they asked.

"then be dirty." I answered

"what if we get wet?" they asked

"then be wet" answered

It is like stuck them in a whole new culture. Or stuck them in the past.  I reminded them that long ago kids did not have drawers and closets full of clothes they had maybe three outfits-- and that was it.  They are acting like I am taking away indoor plumbing--- which I think may be easier for them. 

Odyssey to CVS

This morning I realized to my dismay I was out of my caffeinated beverage of choice - don't judge I have 5 kids- caffeine is oxygen.

Technically I am not supposed to drive yet. Not that I follow the rules all the time but I was trying to be good. So I decided to walk. With three kids. I may as well have walked with three 50 lb dumbbells.


I have a double stroller front to back- LittleDude as the littlest and least likely to follow directions sits in the front belted in.  Leaving Peas and Pixie off. Which is kind of like musical chairs while the chairs are moving with lots of legs-- and feet to trip on-- and a bumpy sidewalk.

When Pixie is 'sitting' term used very loosely she is usually practicing her gymnastics Kips on the push bar of the stroller.  Until she sees a dandelion then she does an epic dismount and scrambles for the flower. In which time Peas takes her seat.  Commence battle.

Now both of them are 'helping' me push (helping used loosely). Side note- at this point we have managed to get down the driveway. That is 6 feet and 6 hands pushing a stroller- it doesn't work.

Cue the robin.  Now we must look at the robin an attempt to catch it.  The robin being native to the suburbs and quiet enjoying the game of child torment allows the kids to get with in feet of it before alighting to the nearest tree singing its song teasing the girls.

LittleDude has decided to try and climb out of the stroller- because he can't be left out- and squirrels.

Peas found a broken fence board and decided it was her broad sword (what the heck is she watching or reading) and encountered a cyclops (where the hell did she find out about those?) which had to be battled... dear lord a cyclops and we hadn't even made it off the block yet... what other monsters would we encounter (please no cannibals)? Side note-- get rid of Greek tragedies and epics.

We did reach CVS and got my dear dear caffeine and chocolate milk.

Walking along the road with musical seats and gymnastics, the arbor where we turn down the road- seemed to get further and further away... like the carrot that is dangled in front of an unsuspecting rabbit.

On the way home we faced the scary spider (antlers that have been next to a house for 5 years and have been a 'spider' for 5 years).

We also were challenged by a Hydra (no I did not inform her that she was mixing monsters)--- the hydra was felled and we made it home in one piece with dandelion crowns and broad swords. 

Kidney update

It came to a nephrectomy.  A radical step. Even the procedure name has 'radical' in it- Radical Nephrectomy.

It was not a decision that I made easily.  It took 4 years an a lot of attempts to fix it to get here, and now it is done.

I was left with 2 options: an ileal ureter and nephrectomy. The ileal ureter had the potential to save my kidney but was not a guarantee. The nephrectomy would cost me a kidney but would be the end of that kidney's drama.

The ileal ureter is a really involved operation and I was not a candidate for laparoscopy meaning a long incision lots of pain and a long recovery. With my clotting disorder- this would be really risky.  A nephrectomy being much a much simpler procedure and much less pain and time on recovery.

The surgery was a week ago tomorrow- and there is significant pain- but I feel better than I did before.  I don't feel sick.  I already feel better now than I did for the past few months before surgery.  

Losing my kidney has not negatively impacted my total renal function at this point, and after getting in there, my doctor completely agreed that the kidney had to go. 

So now to recover and make up for lost time... what am I going to do with all the time NOT spent in doctors offices?