Princess's Surgery

She came through it great. She is a champ. She just had her first does of tylenol now...at 4:45

But this showed me how much I need a faith center in my life and in my childrens' lives. I prayed for her safety and the skill of the doctor 'captain golf shirt'.

Brian stressed me out..he was stressed..so he got obscenely sarcastic, which confuses people who do not know him- and me sometimes and I am married to him! (he got more than a few confused looks from the nurses)

I feel a connection with another mom whom I met through playgroup. It is wonderful, she has been through medical struggles of her own and her son has been through so much too. G-d sent her into my life to give us guidance and help me strengthen my faith. Maybe I am reading too much into it but how else could it have happened with the timing so great? I hope I can be a support to her when she needs it.

So thank you

I do not understand

Princess is having surgery tomorrow. in 12 hour s to be exact. 12 hours from now she will be under anesthesia. Pardon me while I throw up a little, nerves.

My friends are amazing. I am always shocked and amazed at how wonderful they are. We are blessed. Everyone has been so generous with meals offers for babysitting.han.all of it. I am amazed. Thank you. Thank you. Just thank you.

Here is where I am confused: my friends and family have been amazing. However Brian and his family hardly even seem to notice this is happening. Granted his mother and father did not visit Princess in the NICU once or in the PICU. But their grandchild is having surgery, you would think the would want to be there. You would think they would want to visit.

I am annoyed at their lack of concern and annoyed that they are so well unconcerned. I acknowledge that we have not had the best relationship over the years and very possibly I have pre-judged them.

Is their behavior odd or is it me being over concerned?

Insomnia

Well the stress of life has again taken its toll. It is 1:30-and I just did the dishes. Dishes. at 1:30 am. By the way my husband snores.

I will say this: I had fun today. Brian annoyed the pants off me in parts of it but running through sprinklers with my kids and shrieking with delight is a heck of a lot of fun (how come kids get the corner on the market on fun things to do?) Our neighbors must think we (me) are/am looney.. with all of the shrieking. However, it is one time this week where I could put all of everything out of my head and just play. Skylar was sad that her friends did not come out and play..she kept asking for them to come and run through the hose with her.

Also I had a nice long walk. Zoe in a sling and Ali we walked a few miles on the prairie path. I brought my ipod but ended up just chatting with Zoe, listening to the quiet (and noise), praying, and drinking in every moment.

Stress

Lately I have been insanely stressed. I mean to unusual proportions stressed. To be honest I am not handling so well. My usual copious milk supply is still there but I cannot let down leading to painful engorgement. Which of course leads to more stress.

Peas is teething. She is not a nice teether, she is a loud one, and her Velcro-ness has increased.
Princess is not doing anything wrong...she is just BOSSY; she wants to be in control of Stinky, and Stinky objects, strenuously, and she talks. constantly. Oh yeah, this small thing called surgery is coming up.

Ali continuously escapes.

I do not know why the need for the yard to get sodded and cleaned up is a source of stress for me but it is-maybe because the prospect of it is overwhelming.

Through this I am trying to find my way. Trying to revise the way I live my life, feed my children, and generally exist. Add that to my volunteer things (which I love, seeing babies and mommies connect and prosper is great)

Added to the pile is Brian's work. First the firefighting which scares me, his long hours, and his side job. I am frustrated.

To top it off I feel like 'my heart is floundering' to borrow a friends expression. A faith aspect of my life is missing and I need it. I want a 'center' that I can come back too when I am overwhelmed.

So what stresses you out? What Overwhelms you? What do you do about it?

Another article my sister wrote

The big kid

It’s a picture that will live in my mind forever: Frank walking down the road at Brookfield Zoo, his 4-year-cousin Skylar holding one hand and his 2-year-old cousin Billy holding the other.

Frank, who looks small in relation to Caroline, and is smaller than most boys his age, towers over his much-younger cousins, and he relished the role of being their leader and protector.

Due to a variety of circumstances, the planned zoo trip between our two families ended up including just Frank and me along with my sister and her three children, Skylar being the oldest.

So when she and Billy asked to get out of their stroller, we told Frank he would have to help us keep an eye on them. We piled bags into the stroller seats and pushed it, while my sister carried 5-month-old Zoe in a sling, and watched Frank take charge.

When we came a playground marked as most appropriate for children ages 2-5, Frank hung back and watched his cousins play. When we went into a building, he held the doors. When we went for food, he stood in line with me and helped me carry it back to the table.

Usually, when it’s just our family, Frank is the little guy, the one we try to make sure doesn’t get lost, the one who still holds our hands the parking lots, the one who can’t always see everything.

Caroline, with her 10-year-old sophistication, can be a great big sister, sparking Frank’s imagination with games involving their stuffed animals, or comforting him when he’s upset. But she likes to tell him how things are, or at least, how she perceives them to be. And she perceives herself to be the leader.

That’s good for her, but Frank needs chances to be the leader, too — and not just to lead his parents around, because he knows we’re humoring him.

His younger cousins aren’t humoring him when they take his hands so they won’t get lost. They’re just trusting him to know what he’s doing.

And when he has to, he does. He stayed close to us, asked which way to go when he didn’t know. He told Skylar when she climbed too high on the barriers, and told us when she didn’t climb down. He stopped running around and came to see what he could do when Billy fell and hurt his knee.

He didn’t whine or complain once. He liked the chance to be the big kid.

That’s not to say he always wants to be the big kid. He still likes to cuddle on our laps and to hug his stuffed animals.

Caroline sometimes says she’d like to be little again, with not so much pressure and responsibility. Her pressures — mostly selfimposed — are real to her, even if they’re not the kind that come with a mortgage and kids to feed.

But I don’t think she’d want to trade places with Frank permanently. Maybe just take a walk in his shoes every once in a while. Just like he got to.

Haven't said this in awhile

After talking with some friends about their husbands and the support they get I am again shocked at how blessed I am. Sure there are things that aggravate me, sure there are frustrations; but he is a great source of strength and support for me. Even when he is not there. He can calm me down and balance me out, and encourage me a ton. We do balance each other, he is laid back and I am hyper, he is social, and I am social, but only with people I know well.

The point of this is a response to so many husbands not being supportive of nursing/pumping. Brian is exceptionally supportive. If it were not for him I would not have even given it a try. He rubs my back, fetches snacks and water, brings me books, and is all in all great. He has taken me to the doctor for mastitis, he has bought nipple cream and gotten more than a few looks paying for it. When my pump broke he went out and bought a new one after trying to fix it. After my milk inexplicably dried up with Skylar he tracked down herbs and drugs and a pharmacy that compounds it to help me.

When Zoe is going through a growth spurt and eats ALL.THE.TIME he is the one who encourages me at three am when I want to sleep.

He washes the tubing and the parts, handles all of the storage, sets me up, and does everything except make the milk and nurse.

If more husbands were that supportive more moms would feel encouraged and nurse longer or at least try it.

So thank you hun. Thank you even though I am not good at expressing it all the time, thank you for all your support. I should appreciate you more.

Chores

Seeing that my wonderful husband is away much of the time a large portion of the household tasks fall to me. Sometimes so much so that I feel like a single mom who gets support every 2 weeks (I do not mean this in anyway to slight single moms. I realize you ladies work harder than I could even imagine).

That said, I have certain things I *don't* do, or if I have to do them, complain about them, and the buy myself a present for doing them.

I have very little problem cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning the house (kitchen, bathrooms, vacuuming, dusting), laundry, walking dogs, general household stuff. That takes a lot of time.

Until last summer I had NEVER cut grass, ever. I did it once last year and thus far once this year, I have told Brian I am too cute to cut grass. This year I was going to to have to cut the grass again, Brian was at the firehouse so I asked the neighbor to look after my herd while I cut the grass. He said he'd rather cut it. So I made him cookies. Making cookies is infinitely better than cutting grass

I have never painted aside from art class, I have never ever painted, and I do not want to start.
Which is probably why the house needs painting.

I do not take out garbage. Yuck..enough said.

I do not pick up dog poop..see above..unless we are on a walk, then I pick it up.

I do not operate power tools. I am a klutz and would find a way to injure myself.

I do not do anything that requires a ladder- see above.

I do not empty kitty litter-see comment about dog poop.

If anything MAJOR happens without fail Brian is at the firehouse, the furnace died? Brian was at the firehouse, the A/C breaks- Brian is at the firehouse. Basement floods-firehouse. Skylar flushes her underpants and floods upstairs-firehouse.

So I have a lot of companies phone numbers on speed dial. Need a plumber? see entry 4. Need an HVAC person see #5.