Awkward!

There are some people who just have this innate ability to just do just be social. They chat with ease, they engage others, they just are.

I heartily wish I was one of them. My humor does not seem to flow, things seem forced, I just don't know how to do that. I over think everything and then it becomes terribly awkward, for me and for the other person.

So I will watch in wonder how these people do it. It is just like school when the cool kids were, well, cool, and I was just utterly clueless as to how to do that.

In my head I will sit there and play out what 'lines' I should say, what the character I am should do, but what I should say or do remains a mystery. Which then leads me to look odd because I do not say anything, or worse, I dominate the conversation and make everything about me, when it is not. Not even a little.

~yet another confession from me, a clueless mom.

everyday annoyance

Everyone has pet peeves that get under the skin and just fester. One of mine is losing things. It drives me bananas. I can't find my brown shoe. I do not wear this shoe often but I wanted to wear it to Saturday services and I could not find one of them. My daughter was playing dress up with them last week, which in general I am really okay with. But when I can'f find something of mine? Watch out, I can be a little shrew-ish.

I have looked almost everywhere, clearly, not everywhere because I have not found the darn shoe. I WANT MY SHOE. DARN IT. So now I will dwell on my missing shoe- until it turns up.

It is not just shoes; whenever I cannot find something I go a little nuts. It makes me batty. Ask the kids, I lose my mind. I have a laser like focus on locating the lost object and am extremely distraught until I find it. They get recruited to help me search for things. It is not a good sign when the six year old tells me to "just breath, Mama!

Possession May Be 9/10 Of The Law..

But perspective is 9/10 of an individual's reality.

I have been fairly open in the past about my experiences in treatment in Utah. From my perspective it was, interesting. At the time I would have gone on a bitter raged filled diatribe on how my parents were cruel and awful. It was my perspective.

Recently, a friend of mine has struggled with her adolescent son. I see her pain. I see her frustration. I can see her son's side too, I can see what it feels like to feel totallay alone, to feel abandoned to feel just awful. Neither place is pleasent.

This has allowed me to see what my parents may have went through making the desperate choice to send a child away, to people they hoped and prayed would help. I'll admit that I still have twinges of disbelief that my parents ever cared about me that much, or were so worried and so scared. Regardless, this has allowed me to see things through a different set of eyes.

It is a lot easier to paint the other person as the villan. As the teenager it was easy to see my parents as dictators who were cruel and mean. As parents it is easier to see the kids as the problem and not recognize that everyone plays into it.

More than ever I am so sorry I put my parents through that. I am immensly grateful we came out of it ok.

If my parents went through even a fraction of what my friend is, I am more sorry that I can explain. I cannot imagine being in a situation like that. I hope that I will never know.

Some Technical Difficulities

My laptop did not fair well when matched against a tire iron. FYI, I do not think most laptops to fair well against tire irons.
(side note: THIS WAS NOT MY FAULT)

So please excuse the silence- I am not intentionally neglecting my blog

Love,

Me

Pyeloplasty Fail

Remember the stone issues of last year? The numerous procedures? Surgeries? Transfusions? Pulmonary Embolism?

The Pyelopasty was supposed to fix that. Apparently, it really didn't.

My post-op MAG-3 renal scan shows a "worsening UPJ obstruction" but my kidney drains well with Lasix. Even the doctor was kind of baffled by that.

What does it mean? At some point I'll need to have further surgery to work on it. But, that is not now. Currently, I am having only minor discomfort, and I have no new stones. Until, I start to have more stones we'll wait and watch with renal scans every 6 months.

I can live with that. There really isn't a choice is there?

Take it all off....

When I was pregnant I started getting into the habit of having a bikini wax. I could no longer see there to trim the garden so to speak... and some maintenance is necessary.

After a bit I got used to it and decided to go for everything off. The first time was not nearly as bad as I had anticipated. I was expecting a bloody massacre. Involving and necessitating narcotic pain management. I even wore my crappy hole nasty underwear in preparation for the battle that would ensue.

Since then I have continued said up keep- but as that can get really expensive really fast I have yet to 'bond' with a waxer. Also it seems kind of strange to go to a person only for that.

Thus, I have shopped around a bit. I found one person who is AMAZING but a pain to get to- but it may be worth it after the brutal assault that my lady parts survived the other day.

It was the most painful wax ever. The wax was scalding, and that is not a place that likes to be scaled,FYI. Then it just did not go well. It was not like the horror stories that I have heard from some women about skin tearing and bruising, but it was not the simple process that I have had before.

A girl I take pole dancing with does sugaring- I think I'll give that a shot in a few weeks- and take a few pain pills before hand as a precaution.

Eats on Feets

Recently, the FDA has come out with statements that discourage the mama to mama sharing of breast milk through Facebook or other groups.

I feel a need to address this as a milk donor.

Sure sharing has risks. So does riding a bike. The risks are very different but the idea is the same: you need to be responsible.

I would not give a mother any milk that I would not feed my baby- but that is just me. There are of course some loonies out there. While you cannot guard against every risk you can take basic precautions.

Ask for and look at the mother's prenatal blood work. Meet her and her baby- observe her if things don't seem right pass on the milk- there will be other donors. Ask the basic questions: do you smoke, use drugs... etc.

There are a lot of sites to help you decide what you should ask, MilkShare is a great resource.

Sharing milk is a very personal choice. Personally, I have had my baby nurse from other women when I was unable to do so and I am exceptionally grateful I had women in my life who were willing and able to do so. Because I am personal friends with them, I felt safe having my baby have their milk. But, as a mom who has been on both sides I truly appreciate the leap of faith that a mama must make to feed her baby another woman's milk.

Being able to feed another woman's baby is a huge honor. I feel privileged to be chosen to be able to provide that to her.

Honestly, I wish milk sharing was more common and de-stigmatized. If it was more mainstream maybe milk banks would not charge such an obscene amount for their milk and more mothers would consider it as an option. Human breast milk is meant for human babies. Cow milk is meant for baby cows