Just Breathe

Good advice.  Accept when you can't then you want scream-- but again, you can't.

That really stinks you know.  You can't breathe in because you can't breathe out.  Lungs feel like they are burning, itching.  Feeling trapped.

I am asthmatic.  Usually, it is no big deal.  I manage it. Actively. But when I get a cold it goes and lives in my lungs for what may as well be a year. 

Breathing helps.  It is especially important for exercising and parenting.

Last night was pole.  I didn't feel sick- my lungs were a little twitchy but not bad. 

Over night I got up several times unable to breathe.  Now I kind of have it down.  My kids can sleep through the hum of a nebulizer. I can set up a neb in darkness.  So, I'll sit overnight browsing the web inhaling the mist and exhaling the mist.  "Stay calm, in for 2 out for 2" I mentally tell myself.  Breathing will get easier.

Calmly, my husband rolls over and asks, half awake: "you okay, babe?"
"Yep" I say, "go back to sleep.  I'll let you know if I need you."

"Okay, I love you" says he.

 "I love you, too" I say.

The hum continues.  I keep breathing.  It gets easier. 

Morning comes, I face facts, time to start more aggressive medication.  Medication that makes me angry and crabby.  Medication that comes with a price.  But breathing is worth it.