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Each of us grieve differently. Sometimes this does not go over so well when one's way of grieving drastically are opposed to another person- especially in close family.
Some people like to be around others and share memories, talk about the person who passed. Others turn to prayer, others take charge and get things done.
Each of these types clearly has its practical application.
I am the type of person who gets anxious. I can't sleep. I get a nervous stomach. I want to hide. My grief is private.
So it is hard. Hard to balance the needs of my kids, the needs of my other family.
You see, my grandmother and I were not always particularly close. I mean, I loved her- of course- but I felt it was a distant love- she was so amazing and so wonderful- I felt I could never measure up.
In the past several years, I became close to her. It was hard to visit her, bringing all of the kids to see her- being quiet is not there strong suit- she loved seeing them. I loved seeing her with them. They played with the same coasters that I played with as a kid.
My grief is more wavy. Sometimes I need to be away from everyone. Alone. I can remember her. I can remember her laugh, her smile, her amazing fudge.
Its a basic reaction kids do something funny- I think how she'll smile or laugh when she hears about it. Then its back. I don't need to tell her. I can't tell her. Her soul is next to Gd.
My kids are still little not all of them will have a clear memory of her. Her memory will be honored though. My kids will learn what she taught me, aside from making fudge, she taught me strength, compassion, and love.
1 comments:
A relative commented at my grandmother's funeral that the hardest part of the death of a loved one is thinking and talking about them in the past tense. I feel like my grandmother was my other half (she called us partners in crime), and so when she died, I felt all the life and color fade from my world. It's been 6 years since she passed, and I still struggle. It took years before I could even talk about it. I tend to just hold sorrow and grieving inside until I am somewhere private & then I pray out loud and cry. It definitely has yet to get easier, but I don't think that the hole in your heart ever gets filled, you just learn to cope.
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