Since when is self esteem a bad thing?

You know what is bizarre?  When I  start to feel good about myself, I end up feeling guilty for feeling good about myself?  What kind of crazy is that? 

Many many years ago, I was in Junior Girl Scouts and there was a self esteem badge.  I remember doing part of it and feeling terrible that I was working on liking myself.  I tried to talk about it with some adults and I was told that working on self esteem was a pretty self centered thing to do.  Then I was told that I already had a too high of an opinion of myself.

A few years later I developed an eating disorder- shocker (not really surprising in the least).

Seriously, I have lived my life feeling guilty when complemented, unable to have positive self talk, and being afraid to try new things because I may not get them quickly enough.

I grew up thinking I was a major screw up and incapable of doing anything right; that I would never be as good as my siblings, my friends, my neighbors.  My self image was a stinking pile of crap.

This is still something I have a hard time with. More pressing- I see my oldest starting o have the same patterns and I do not ever want her or any of my kids to feel like that. Ever.

So I am trying to change this. I have a long way to go.