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Well--- sometimes no news is good news, sometimes no news is just busy, and sometimes, no news means my kidney is up to trickery and I am having hard time accepting it.
I got sick in June. Like I do, I wished it away, figured that it was stress and it would get better. I went to the doctor after a few days and he gave me antibiotics and all was well. A few days later, I couldn't keep anything down. Even the Zofran for nausea. So went to the ER. After waiting a year and a day the doc took one look at me and admitted me. She seriously didn't even run labs first.
7 days. 7 days on IV antibiotics to kick this infection.
Home for a few days.
Then sick again.
This time with scary bacteria. My kidney does a go big or go home thing apparently-- and it goes big.
So now I am on antibiotics-- they make me very very tired and have some other fun side effects. Also learned today that I will need to investigate some funky stuff on my ovaries further.
But........
I am ok. My kids are great, having a wonderful summer. B is wonderful. life is beautiful
Right now, I can be awake for about 2 hours before I need to sleep again, so I will write more when I have more energy.
SCOTUS made a good call
Sunday, July 5, 2015
I am an LGBTQ ally. If you know me you know this. I am thrilled that gay and lesbian people are now being afforded the right to marry.
It is saddening to see that so many people are less than happy about this decision and using their faith as the reasoning for their opinion.
The area in which I live is heavily Christian- and that is great. No problem. But what I have an issue with is Christians expecting everyone else to abide by their version of morality-- because the bible said so.
My faith religious belief does not impact my support for gay marriage at all-- as my faith is mine no one else's. And even if my faith dictated that gay an lesbian people should not be allowed to marry based on the bible it still does not impact the secular rights that need to be afforded to all people.
This is one of the greatest things about America-- we have a separation of church and state. Church beliefs do not get to impact state laws. Not everyone has the same faith or beliefs even if they have the same holy book- and as we cannot email G-d and ask for clarification the best thing we can do is to offer love and acceptance. I firmly believe that love will be more acceptable to G-d than condemnation and judgement.
Just because the bible says that we must "keep holy the sabbath" we do not have laws that force people to go to church (or other house of worship)
Some people cite that G-d calls homosexuality an abomination--- well there are a bunch of things that are said to be an abomination to G-d.
Proverbs 12:22 "lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, But those who deal faithfully are His delight" where is the outcry against dishonesty (have we seen what happens in politics?)
Proverbs 6:5 "Everyone who is proud of heart is an abomination to the LORD, Assuredly he will not be unpunished"
I can keep listing these quotes--- (thanks Mom and Dad for religious education-- see I did pay attention)
If so many things are an abomination to G-d why are we so obsessed with this one? Why is this one the lightening rod? Why are we so convinced that we need prevent other people from entering a loving committed marriage and enjoying the legal benefits that come because of it?
If people are/were making a push to force a church or house of faith to wed a gay couple then I would support the church-- as a private house of faith they have the right to stick to whatever they believe- without government interference.
It does go both ways though-- if the government cannot force a church to marry a gay couple then a religion cannot force a government not to marry a gay couple.
Separation of church and state is a fantastic thing. The ruling has literally NO impact on anyone who is not LGBTQ and does not want to get married.
In a follow up post I will address how the SCOTUS ruling is not violating states rights.
It is saddening to see that so many people are less than happy about this decision and using their faith as the reasoning for their opinion.
The area in which I live is heavily Christian- and that is great. No problem. But what I have an issue with is Christians expecting everyone else to abide by their version of morality-- because the bible said so.
My faith religious belief does not impact my support for gay marriage at all-- as my faith is mine no one else's. And even if my faith dictated that gay an lesbian people should not be allowed to marry based on the bible it still does not impact the secular rights that need to be afforded to all people.
This is one of the greatest things about America-- we have a separation of church and state. Church beliefs do not get to impact state laws. Not everyone has the same faith or beliefs even if they have the same holy book- and as we cannot email G-d and ask for clarification the best thing we can do is to offer love and acceptance. I firmly believe that love will be more acceptable to G-d than condemnation and judgement.
Just because the bible says that we must "keep holy the sabbath" we do not have laws that force people to go to church (or other house of worship)
Some people cite that G-d calls homosexuality an abomination--- well there are a bunch of things that are said to be an abomination to G-d.
Proverbs 12:22 "lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, But those who deal faithfully are His delight" where is the outcry against dishonesty (have we seen what happens in politics?)
Proverbs 6:5 "Everyone who is proud of heart is an abomination to the LORD, Assuredly he will not be unpunished"
I can keep listing these quotes--- (thanks Mom and Dad for religious education-- see I did pay attention)
If so many things are an abomination to G-d why are we so obsessed with this one? Why is this one the lightening rod? Why are we so convinced that we need prevent other people from entering a loving committed marriage and enjoying the legal benefits that come because of it?
If people are/were making a push to force a church or house of faith to wed a gay couple then I would support the church-- as a private house of faith they have the right to stick to whatever they believe- without government interference.
It does go both ways though-- if the government cannot force a church to marry a gay couple then a religion cannot force a government not to marry a gay couple.
Separation of church and state is a fantastic thing. The ruling has literally NO impact on anyone who is not LGBTQ and does not want to get married.
In a follow up post I will address how the SCOTUS ruling is not violating states rights.
StripCraft and Booty Work
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
A while ago I was fortunate enough to take a workshop with the incomparable Lux ATL one of the most amazing women I have ever had the privilege to meet.
I love pole. It is my sanctuary, it functions as a work-out, social time, therapy, and so much more for me. However, I am not much of a dancer, I struggle with flow. I struggle with confidence, I struggle...
This workshop was heaven. It was home.
First: Lux is crazy smart. Which is so cool-- but not unusual in the pole world- the number of women who are unbelievably smart is staggering. What makes Lux unique is that she is so approachable she accepts and values her students as women where ever we are. She also speaks her mind- this is hard. As a women if you speak your mind too loudly you're a bitch or worse... Lux embraces this and encourages women to embrace this.. I have an awesome shirt from her that reads "pro bitch"
When I dance I get self conscious and convince myself that everyone is so much better than I am- so much sexier-- essentially just that I stink.
Which leads me to....
Second: It was like she was talking to me when she was laying out the class. Which leads me to believe my fears and anxieties are not unusual.
The first tenet of her class is:
Only you possess what only you possess
Simple, huh? Well yes, this makes sense, but how do I know what I possess that only I possess? That is the journey. That we all have to learn and to learn it we have to play with a lot of things and inevitably make mistakes. As we are learning and on our jouney, remember that everyone else is on their own journey and we may all be making mistakes as we learn and grow.
The second is:
Be vulnerable. Be willing to act weird in public
I certainly and self conscious and am afraid to act silly in public for fear of "what will people think?"
By staying in my comfort zone I am limiting myself and not growing. Growth happens outside an individual's comfort zone. Make an impression. Be weird. Have fun. Embrace it.
The third and final tenet is:
No shame. No fear. No apologies. Just Love.
This one have a hard time with. I struggle with shame. I struggle with being fearful. I apologize way too much. I can extent love and acceptance to everyone but myself. Recently, Amy Schumer did a skit on women and apologizing and how we as women apologize for everything.
So I am working on it.
I also plan on taking her classes again to really have the chance to better absorb her wisdom and learn from her incredible booty isolation ways.
Day to day- I am carrying her lessons with me, and not just practicing booty isolations in traffic- but embracing myself for who I am and loving it. All of it.
I love pole. It is my sanctuary, it functions as a work-out, social time, therapy, and so much more for me. However, I am not much of a dancer, I struggle with flow. I struggle with confidence, I struggle...
This workshop was heaven. It was home.
First: Lux is crazy smart. Which is so cool-- but not unusual in the pole world- the number of women who are unbelievably smart is staggering. What makes Lux unique is that she is so approachable she accepts and values her students as women where ever we are. She also speaks her mind- this is hard. As a women if you speak your mind too loudly you're a bitch or worse... Lux embraces this and encourages women to embrace this.. I have an awesome shirt from her that reads "pro bitch"
When I dance I get self conscious and convince myself that everyone is so much better than I am- so much sexier-- essentially just that I stink.
Which leads me to....
Second: It was like she was talking to me when she was laying out the class. Which leads me to believe my fears and anxieties are not unusual.
The first tenet of her class is:
Only you possess what only you possess
Simple, huh? Well yes, this makes sense, but how do I know what I possess that only I possess? That is the journey. That we all have to learn and to learn it we have to play with a lot of things and inevitably make mistakes. As we are learning and on our jouney, remember that everyone else is on their own journey and we may all be making mistakes as we learn and grow.
The second is:
Be vulnerable. Be willing to act weird in public
I certainly and self conscious and am afraid to act silly in public for fear of "what will people think?"
By staying in my comfort zone I am limiting myself and not growing. Growth happens outside an individual's comfort zone. Make an impression. Be weird. Have fun. Embrace it.
The third and final tenet is:
No shame. No fear. No apologies. Just Love.
This one have a hard time with. I struggle with shame. I struggle with being fearful. I apologize way too much. I can extent love and acceptance to everyone but myself. Recently, Amy Schumer did a skit on women and apologizing and how we as women apologize for everything.
So I am working on it.
I also plan on taking her classes again to really have the chance to better absorb her wisdom and learn from her incredible booty isolation ways.
Day to day- I am carrying her lessons with me, and not just practicing booty isolations in traffic- but embracing myself for who I am and loving it. All of it.
My 3 Year Old made an Amazon order
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
I should have guessed that it would happen at some point. Little Dude ordered a whole season of his favorite show "Paw Patrol" from Amazon.
Recently, I ordered a kindle fire relatively recently, and he loves it. Sadly, I have not figured out how to prevent purchases like this, and until this incident, I didn't even look into it.
The other night I started getting notifications on my phone that Amazon purchases had been made, little confirmation emails thanking me for my order. I thought nothing of it at first, thinking that maybe B had ordered a few shows--- then they kept coming, and I texted him to see what he had been buying... nothing. LittleDude, was sitting right next to him and he was paying no attention to what was happening (typical). While LittleDude was sitting there, innocent as can be and he bought a whole season of Paw Patrol and several other episodes.
I suppose it was bound to happen sometime or another. I am glad that it was less expensive than it could be.
Recently, I ordered a kindle fire relatively recently, and he loves it. Sadly, I have not figured out how to prevent purchases like this, and until this incident, I didn't even look into it.
The other night I started getting notifications on my phone that Amazon purchases had been made, little confirmation emails thanking me for my order. I thought nothing of it at first, thinking that maybe B had ordered a few shows--- then they kept coming, and I texted him to see what he had been buying... nothing. LittleDude, was sitting right next to him and he was paying no attention to what was happening (typical). While LittleDude was sitting there, innocent as can be and he bought a whole season of Paw Patrol and several other episodes.
I suppose it was bound to happen sometime or another. I am glad that it was less expensive than it could be.
Different Family Values
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
I have had some rough times in my life- many of them in fact.
As much as these times have sucked- my family has always helped me through them. Yes, there were times of tough love- and a lot of times I was exceptionally angry with them- but when it has come down to it-- when I really desperately needed them they have helped.
When I had my first daughter and I had nothing for her- my mom came and helped, she taught me how to take care of my very very tiny baby.
She has come down at the drop of a hat when I have had a medical (kidney) emergency. She has come down for kids grandparents days. She is present in our lives. My sister and my aunts/ cousins are the same way.
So now B is hurt. His family has not really called to check on him frequently, not really offering help-- they have helped- but only when we have insisted. Interestingly- it has not been B's immediate family offering to help- it has been his aunts and uncles.
His side of the family has always kind of confused me- they were even less helpful when I was sick, but I had assumed that it was because I was not their child and they felt that my family had the obligation.
I don't get it.
When my family or friends need help- or even if they need company- I'm there. If I can give or do something I will- I know what it is like to feel alone, vulnerable, scared, and overwhelmed-- and it is pretty darn miserable.
As much as these times have sucked- my family has always helped me through them. Yes, there were times of tough love- and a lot of times I was exceptionally angry with them- but when it has come down to it-- when I really desperately needed them they have helped.
When I had my first daughter and I had nothing for her- my mom came and helped, she taught me how to take care of my very very tiny baby.
She has come down at the drop of a hat when I have had a medical (kidney) emergency. She has come down for kids grandparents days. She is present in our lives. My sister and my aunts/ cousins are the same way.
So now B is hurt. His family has not really called to check on him frequently, not really offering help-- they have helped- but only when we have insisted. Interestingly- it has not been B's immediate family offering to help- it has been his aunts and uncles.
His side of the family has always kind of confused me- they were even less helpful when I was sick, but I had assumed that it was because I was not their child and they felt that my family had the obligation.
I don't get it.
When my family or friends need help- or even if they need company- I'm there. If I can give or do something I will- I know what it is like to feel alone, vulnerable, scared, and overwhelmed-- and it is pretty darn miserable.
Life with a dictator
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Little dude looks sweet and cute right??
He is a dictator.
He declares what he wants and expects his wishes to be obeyed forthwith. Heaven help whom ever does not understand what he is saying. Because he knows exactly what he is saying.
Inspector Gadget! NOW. Paw Patrol! STAT!
There are a lot of sayings about terrible 2's but 3's are really hard. They know what they want, they can communicate it somewhat, and they are more determined so you can't try and distract them with something really cool (well you can-- and they may even humor you- but they will be back for what they initially wanted).
Three year olds can run the house if you let them. Sometimes that is all that keeps my sanity--- LittleDude wants Chuggers?! Fine! He gets Chuggers.. Learn picking battles is half of being a parent. I frequently tell the bigger kids to just give him what he wants so he will stop holding the house hostage with screams.
Logically- I know that 3 years is a huge developmental time and he is beginning to see the world does not revolve around him. He is learning that wants do not always equal needs. Which can be a hard pill for a three year old to swallow.
He is a dictator.
He declares what he wants and expects his wishes to be obeyed forthwith. Heaven help whom ever does not understand what he is saying. Because he knows exactly what he is saying.
Inspector Gadget! NOW. Paw Patrol! STAT!
There are a lot of sayings about terrible 2's but 3's are really hard. They know what they want, they can communicate it somewhat, and they are more determined so you can't try and distract them with something really cool (well you can-- and they may even humor you- but they will be back for what they initially wanted).
Three year olds can run the house if you let them. Sometimes that is all that keeps my sanity--- LittleDude wants Chuggers?! Fine! He gets Chuggers.. Learn picking battles is half of being a parent. I frequently tell the bigger kids to just give him what he wants so he will stop holding the house hostage with screams.
Logically- I know that 3 years is a huge developmental time and he is beginning to see the world does not revolve around him. He is learning that wants do not always equal needs. Which can be a hard pill for a three year old to swallow.
Horrible Nightmare
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Last week I had to go to the doctor for my hip. While I was there, something horrific happened.
B was badly injured training at a live fire drill.
One minute we were texting each other about my hip, he said that he had to go drill, next thing I know my phone was going crazy as he had fallen trying to force open door as part of their training. When he fell he broke his leg.
Seeing the text that he was hurt but not knowing what was happening was terrifying. Not being able to help was frustrating.
As a mother, my job is to fix things. Make things better. There is nothing that I can do to help him. Nothing I can do to make it better. All I could do was go there and be there.
The break was bad enough and in a place that required surgery, I have had a lot of surgery, but waiting for someone to have surgery is something I have less experience with. Sitting there, watching the screen with his case--- waiting for screen to advance to "surgery complete".
B's job has always scared me- I love and respect what he does, but it scares me. Because he could so quickly be injured. Nothing is a guarantee. Every time we talk we end it with "I love you, be safe". I will not let him off the phone until he replies "I always am".
It has been hard for the kids- he is like superman. He comes and fixes things and saves the day. His job is actually to save people. He is not here a lot but when he is he is fantastic with them. No one gets a better welcome than when daddy gets here.
Truth be told, I am a little jealous about how the kids are so interested in helping him. When I get hurt or have surgery nothing changes, the requests keep coming: "mama what's for dinner??" "where is my shirt?" B gets hurt--- totally different story- they are all over him helping. Which, honestly is good. He is dad- and a pretty darn awesome one.
Seeing the message that B was hurt was the most horrifying thing. My stomach dropped a million miles, I started sweating, I was sick to my stomach. He annoys the crap out of me and irritates me beyond belief, but I love him.
When the doctor told me that he did need surgery, I got light headed--- and its not my leg! A doctor can tell me I need surgery and that is fine, I can deal, but not someone I care about, that makes it scary!
I do have new respect for what B had to endure in the waiting room for me- my surgeries were much longer and I have no idea how he managed. Being the one unconscious is much much easier.
When he is better, I will have to find something new to say other than "I love you, be safe" because much like the kids-- he clearly doesn't listen.
I am thankful that he will heal. I am thankful for my sister who saved the day. I am thankful.
B was badly injured training at a live fire drill.
One minute we were texting each other about my hip, he said that he had to go drill, next thing I know my phone was going crazy as he had fallen trying to force open door as part of their training. When he fell he broke his leg.
Seeing the text that he was hurt but not knowing what was happening was terrifying. Not being able to help was frustrating.
As a mother, my job is to fix things. Make things better. There is nothing that I can do to help him. Nothing I can do to make it better. All I could do was go there and be there.
The break was bad enough and in a place that required surgery, I have had a lot of surgery, but waiting for someone to have surgery is something I have less experience with. Sitting there, watching the screen with his case--- waiting for screen to advance to "surgery complete".
B's job has always scared me- I love and respect what he does, but it scares me. Because he could so quickly be injured. Nothing is a guarantee. Every time we talk we end it with "I love you, be safe". I will not let him off the phone until he replies "I always am".
It has been hard for the kids- he is like superman. He comes and fixes things and saves the day. His job is actually to save people. He is not here a lot but when he is he is fantastic with them. No one gets a better welcome than when daddy gets here.
Truth be told, I am a little jealous about how the kids are so interested in helping him. When I get hurt or have surgery nothing changes, the requests keep coming: "mama what's for dinner??" "where is my shirt?" B gets hurt--- totally different story- they are all over him helping. Which, honestly is good. He is dad- and a pretty darn awesome one.
Seeing the message that B was hurt was the most horrifying thing. My stomach dropped a million miles, I started sweating, I was sick to my stomach. He annoys the crap out of me and irritates me beyond belief, but I love him.
When the doctor told me that he did need surgery, I got light headed--- and its not my leg! A doctor can tell me I need surgery and that is fine, I can deal, but not someone I care about, that makes it scary!
I do have new respect for what B had to endure in the waiting room for me- my surgeries were much longer and I have no idea how he managed. Being the one unconscious is much much easier.
When he is better, I will have to find something new to say other than "I love you, be safe" because much like the kids-- he clearly doesn't listen.
I am thankful that he will heal. I am thankful for my sister who saved the day. I am thankful.
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